Me (22F) and my gf (22F) have been together for 8 months now (long distance). I think she is my soulmate; she checks all my boxes and we are great friends. We have minor problems every now and then, but the biggest issue in our relationship is that the distance is hard. We communicate pretty well when problems do come up given that this is both of our first serious relationship.

I was just accepted to an internship this summer halfway across the world. I am thinking about asking my gf if she would be interested in opening up the relationship while I am abroad. We have very very briefly talked about an open relationship before when she brought it up a few months ago. However, she said something that scared me a little bit: “being with other people might confirm that this is what I want.” I am already sure that she is what I want, and so the conversation didn’t go much further than that because I was hurt. I know that she loves me and didn’t mean it to hurt me, but still in the back of my mind I’m worried that opening the relationship might not be a good idea if we aren’t on the same page.

I want to talk to her about it more seriously and I don’t know the best way to go about it. If we did open the relationship I don’t think I would actively pursue other women. I just want to be able to go out and meet people and have fun, so I want to have some boundaries/expectations set in the event that I meet someone I’m attracted to. Obviously she would be able to do the same with someone she meets.

She is coming to visit this weekend and I want to talk about it, but I am not sure the way to go about it. She is only here for 4 days, and if the conversation doesn’t go well I don’t want it to spoil the trip. If I bring it up the first day, we have more time to talk about it in person. But if I bring it up the first day and it’s something she is not open to, then I don’t want the remainder of our time to be weird. I do not want to risk hurting her because I love her and I cherish our relationship. If this is something she wasn’t comfortable with I would respect that and happily continue our relationship as it is.

How do I start the conversation? When do I start the conversation? I am not even 100% sure what an open relationship means to me, is that okay, is that something we can figure out together? Do you have any other advice for having this sort of conversation?