My boyfriend and I had an open relationship at the very beginning of dating. But due to a lot of breaches of trust and him breaking the boundaries/rules I set, I asked to close the relationship. Heâs been asking to reopen it, and I understand itâs very important to him so I am willing to try but only with more strict boundaries so I donât get hurt again. I wanted feedback on the boundaries I had in mind, like if theyâre unfair or if thereâs better ways I could go about them. Important info to add is that my partner works on the road.
1: I want to know when he is looking for someone/having a hookup come to his hotel. And I want to know a bit about who it is. And I donât want him to ignore me for other people.
2: if I feel uncomfortable with whomever the person is I want him not to go through with it.
3: I donât feel comfortable with him dating anyone else, going on dates or getting too far into relationship situations. And I donât want anyone spending multiple days in a row at his hotel.
4: I donât want him sleeping with anyone in my home town, or anyone I am friends with.
5: I donât want him filming anything sexual with anyone else.
6: He refuses to use condoms, so I would like him to get tested before I see him for any occasions if he hasnât been tested since his last hookup.
You do have a choice; you just donât want to make it and so youâve decided to put yourself on fire instead.
I donât think you really want an open relationship and so you are drawing up a box so small for him to play in that he canât really move without breaking a rule.
Instead of looking at it as how you can control him, try to think of it as what it can bring you. If the answer is ânothingâ, then you probably shouldnât be doing this.
I donât understand why you think you can trust this person. In this post I count:
- Sharing of videos without consent.
- Refusal to protect partners by using condoms
- Sleeping with people youâve asked him not to.
- He disappears for days at a time and doesnât contact you.
Just what??? If your friend was dating someone like this what advice would you give them? If frankly tell them to run and block him, like yesterday.
We are a non-monogamy sub telling you to not do non-monogamy. That should tell you something.
Youâre 23. Thereâs better out there, and the bar is low.
Iâll be honest, if someone did all those things to me, Iâm not working on that relationship. There are other, less shitty people out there, and you donât have to expend enormous amounts of energy on trying to help them be a mediocre person.
why would you assume he respects other people if he doesnât respect you. I guarantee there are videos of others he is sharing without their consent which is a crime in many places.
Yeah, I know. I think this is a case of needing to let go of the idea of control, whether thatâs breaking up or letting go of the reigns completely, in order to not go mad over this.
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- 7 months ago
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Where I live it is actually a crime to share sex tapes/videos without consent. It is not ok on any level to do that and, OP, it was not ok for him to do that to you either.