So for context on this relationship, feel free to check out the other post that I’ve written maybe in September or so of last year.

Since we (me 31F with 30M) broke up, we still continued to spend a lot of time together and I have been in individual group therapy to address my anxious attachment style and communication. We’ve both agreed that things have been a lot better and our time together is less fraught with conflict, but when we argue, we also resolve it much faster and more efficiently/compassionately

I have dated and continued to date other people, and he began to do so as well. He told me he loved me in December, but literally weeks later, when heard that a coworker was into him he ended things with me again- we began no contact on my request but that didn’t end up lasting. We began talking again, and I asked him for four conditions- 1) that we’d find a couples therapist 2) I am his primary partner and that he is more considerate/makes me more of a priority, as I do for him 3) we continue working on communication 4) he stops breaking up with me on a whim/after an argument and makes an effort to work things out

We didn’t really define it until late January or so of this year, after he took a few weeks to “think about things” and we discussed back and forth. i gave him full autonomy over whether he agreed but stated these were non-negotiable for me, and he agreed of his own volition

Apart from reframing my own needs and communication, I haven’t seen him make a ton of changes. He is a bit more open and transparent with me (which is huge!) about how he’s feeling/what he’s upto, and his personal hygiene has inconsistently shown some improvement, mostly because I pettily and silently feel he’s trying to look better for his coworker. However, he still lacks any sustained hobbies/friends other than his bar buddies (he is now dating one of them as well)

He has attested that I am his primary partner and we haven’t broken up after arguments, but I still don’t feel like a priority. He hasn’t really told anyone that we are together again and mostly refers to me as a friend. We spent valentine’s day together but he made last minute reservations the day of and put very little thought into anything, despite my asking him to show more initiative. He cooked an elaborate dinner for his bar date just three days later.

I got him expensive concert tickets for his birthday in November and took him out to dinner, but got me sick on the day before my birthday, made plans with his sister on the eve of my birthday and guilt tripped me for getting frustrated at him (to his credit, he was confused on my schedule and offered to cancel, but i was still hurt because he’d explicitly told me last week that he wanted to spend my birthday with me) and didn’t get me a present or make plans, though he wants to be included in the group party i organized for myself. All this in spite of knowing how I have a lot of trauma around my birthday; thank goodness I’m trying to do my best to fill my own cup because had I relied on him and what I’d asked of him I would’ve been left with nothing but the flu i’m still dealing with three days later.

Most upsetting, though we’ve agreed to find a therapist it hasn’t happened yet- I am tired of trying to take the initiative on this so I’m trying to see whether he does, but no dice

I guess my question is, is this worth sticking out? I’ve enjoyed dating other people and feel like they’ve been much more receptive to my needs/communication, but I’d be sad to give up because I do see some progress?

Tl;dr I’m trying to be more patient and grateful to what my ENM partner brings to the table but idk if my non negotiable asks 1 and 2 will be met, if I’m a priority to him, or if my expectations are unrealistic. Also full transparency, this has been cross posted bc I wasn’t sure where it was most relevant