For context I (29f) have been seeing someone (Jim 35 nb) very casually for a few months. They are kind and we share a lot of interests. They’ve been poly for many years, as has their wife (Tara 40f). Jim is also seeing a woman, Amy f24 for I’m not sure how long, at least 6 months. I’ve met and hung out with Amy a few times, and though I was apprehensive about how young she was initially, she’s a smart and sweet woman, and it’s clear Jim is very fond of her. Until yesterday I had never met Tara.

Yesterday I went to brunch at Jim and Tara’s house with my partner. It was branded as a “poly brunch” as Amy was also coming as well as two friends of Jim’s who are also poly (seeing each other but neither are seeing Jim in any romantic capacity). I figured it would be a chill fun way to meet some people and have some breakfast. Little did I know the awkwardness that would ensue.

Everyone makes themselves a plate and goes into the living room to eat. Then, Tara explains that we will be doing some “intentional relating” (I think that’s the wording she used, though I might be remembering wrong). She has a series of poly focused questions that she will pose to the group and we are to go around the room and answer the question, to foster discussion. Ok, cool, sounds interesting if not a little uncomfortable.

Here’s where things begin to go south. Over the course of some of the questions it becomes abundantly clear that Tara is feeling emotionally neglected by Jim. Meanwhile Amy is engaging in discussion seemingly oblivious to what is happening and how she may be implicated (I had previously gotten the sense that Jim and Amy spend a lot of time together, and Tara seemed to imply albeit in a roundabout way that she feels that Amy is the “fun” one and that Jim is always out, whether seeing Amy or engaging with others socially and romantically).

Needless to say it was EXTREMELY weird and uncomfortable to watch, and it gave me major ick.

I’d made plans last week to see Jim for lunch last this Wednesday and I’m wondering if I should just take the opportunity to tell them how the brunch made me feel and possibly just end it. It’s unfortunate because the other two friends that came were really great and I was excited about the opportunity to build a little ENM community, and I enjoy Jim’s company too. But it was just a lot.

Any insight or advice is extremely welcome.