Hello, sorry for my english.

So I'm with my wife for 16 years. Teen lovers, we've been each other first and despite an about 3 month separation in 2019 everything is good. She has been interested by opening the relationship for a long time, while I don't. I'm not against it per se, but the problem is that I'm a really big man. Really tall, but also really fat. So my reasoning was that I don't want her to see people for sex while I just couldn't due to women not being attracted to me. And she understood that, no problem, no ressentment.

6 months ago I met a girl (through written roleplay if that matters). We hit it of as friends and I noticed that despise my weight and appearance she was interested in me. It gives me a big confidence boost that I needed and I try to talk to my wife about the idea. She knew why I was suddenly open to it (which is because someone was attracted to me). We then got each other to see friends at the same time : that girl for me and an old online friend for her. The deal was : we're allowed to have sex with them.

I go for 4 days to that girl house and things were great, but we don't sleep together. I won't go into detail about it but it was not about look, but other things related to that girl that she has resolved now. My wife got there and pretty much the same thing happened to her. No sex, just friends together. We both came back and everything between us was as strong as ever. I let the idea of sleeping with that girl go (even if it could probably happen if I try), and until then everything was normal. I'm still friend with her (best friend even).

My wife on the other hand is on a local discord group she joined today and even if she said she won't, I know she will find someone. Not matter her appearance, she will find, while I don't. I know it sounds bad, but I can't see myself supporting her seeing other men while I sit there and never see other women. It's jealousy, maybe ? The idea of her sleeping with another men it's not my problem I want to be clear, the probably is only her doing it. The idea is to enjoy that kind of activities together, not just one.

I know I'm in the wrong I don't came her to get confirmation of that. I just want advice from men who got in the same kind of situation. How did you manage ?