I (30sM) have an open marriage with my partner (30sF), I do have 2 fwb that I try to see monthly, but lately it's been less. My wife, she has partners at least 2, but I don't know when or how often she sees them because rule changes.

Lately things are changing/challenges have been occurring:

My wife she is now dating a woman and part of our boundaries is no gift giving. Well my wife got her a gift and also got her stuff for valentines day. When I asked about this she said "its different with women." Eventually she's okay with me getting a gift for my one partner. Is this normal?

Is it normal for boundaries and rules to change? Am I okay with it, I'm not exactly sure? I know her love language is gift giving and mine is acts of service.

Also I lately I stumbled upon a text my wife sent to her one partner how she can't wait to choke on him doing oral. What ever, no problem with that but what I am having a problem is this:

I love receiving oral from my wife, she's the best, I love it alot, but I haven't received till finish from her in almost 2 years, she will somewhat do it with me but very short.. But when I ask why doesn't she wants me to change certain things (was done) to now she says she doesn't like it, and that asking alot makes it want to do less and that her other partners ask and she doesn't do it, to then saying you have 2 partners do it with them.

She is also not doing kink things I like anymore but will do it with them. She is mostly vanilla with me now and alot of times doesn't move around anymore.

How should I bring up this with her? Should I do it once or over time? Should I just drop the oral thing and suck it up? Is it normal for this stuff to change? I know its alot to read.