This might be all over the place, so sorry for it being long and also the grammar (English is not my first language), but I’m trying to figure out things.

So my wife and I have been together since college (20 years). 2 kids. She is my first serious relationship, while she had a few others before me. We’ve been monogamous for more than 10 years with good to average sex life and a very open, honest and intimate relationship. About 7 years ago, we both felt the need to do something to spice up things sexually and we decided to experiment with non-monogamy together, with the focus on us.

We tried a bunch of different things, been to swinger clubs, met couples (got involved more closely with one). Over the course of a few years I learned that I have developed a voyeur (or a milder cuckold) kink and I really like seeing her getting pleasure, even more than participating myself. So we’ve met a few guys with focus on her, which we both enjoyed. We haven't done it often, once every couple of months, but it spiced up our sex life a lot, we talked a lot and it brought us closer together. I could even imagine her having a more regular play partner or an fwb, while me staying monogamous, if she can bring back the energy into our relationship and keep me involved.

It was all exciting until about 2 years ago, when things suddenly came to a stop. Our relationship with the couple we’ve been involved with slowly transformed into a friendship, and after a few not so good experiences with single guys, and a lot of other things happening in our lives which put priorities elsewhere, my wife pretty much lost her interest in sex and in getting involved others. Our sex life slowed down a lot too, to the point that I’ve started to struggle. We also had some disagreements and disconnection in other areas which just made me question our relationship and our previous way of engaging with the lifestyle more seriously for the first time. I love her and our family, but I’m unhappy with how things currently are.

Since we stopped I had a lot of time to reflect, and I became less sure about the one-sided nature of things and more curious about opening up on both sides. I want her to be genuinely interested and not feel pressured by me. I also became more concerned with co-dependence, that my sexuality and happiness all revolves around her (and her playing with others).

My wife was not that keen on opening up on my side while we were involved with others (except playing together with couples), and before it didn’t bother me at all, I even found it arousing. But now I’ve started reading books and posts on non-monogamy and polyamory in general, not related to the swinger or kink-realted dynamics and I became more interested in connecting with other women.
I indentify as demisexual though, the romantic aspect of a relationship is as if not even more important for me than the sexual. Also, I’m not sure about me being non-monogamous, especially that I’ve never been romantically involved with anyone else besides my wife. I don’t know if I became interested because I’m losing interest in her, a mid-life crisis or a genuine curiosity that grew from us opening up to non-monogamy in general, but the timing does make it sound concerning to me.

I’m not sure what advice I’m looking for, but just writing all this out feels good. I would appreciate advice from anyone going through similar feelings. How to get clarity and navigate this?

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TLDR: After several years of experimenting with non-monogamy together and on my wife’s side, my wife lost interest and now I’m struggling and started thinking about an (equally) open marriage.