Like the title suggests, I 26f had a very bad experience with my nesting partner 29m Sean about 2 years ago. We tried to help his friend, lets call her Rose, escape an abusive bf and it backfired horrendously. Me and Sean started our relationship as open, but never played "together" until this shituation came about. Rose reached out to my partner, Sean, in hopes to hang out and get her mind off her shitty living situation with her abusive bf ,Bill. Eventually Sean introduced me to Rose in hopes that we would become friends and maybe more? I told Sean off the bat that I wanted to assess her for any red flags before agreeing on any sort of relationship w her. She also knew I wanted to take things slow as this was all new to me. (dating more than 1 person being new to me, I've explored sexually in group scenarios ect)

So we hangout w Rose and bring her over to our mutual friends house, lets call him Eren, to smoke and catch up. So Rose explains to us how she feels like an animal trapped in a cage w Bill, and she hates going back home to him. Apparently she's only living w Bill cause her sibling put a restraining order on her and she can't be at mums house for the time being. Red flag number 1 to me. But me being the naive dunce I am decide to give the benefit of the doubt, as I've been in a similar predicament b4.

After leaving Erens, Rose notices that he has a spare room not being used currently and immediately asks us if we think eren will let her rent. Red flag # 2. Rose barely knows Eren, let alone just reconnected with Sean after constantly ghosting him. (Didn't know this bit of info until later). But Rose is basically asking us to put in a good word for her so that Eren will rent the room to her. Again my dunceness got the better of me and we decide to help this girl avoid further abuse/homelessness.

So we get Erens approval to rent her the room with the condition that we rent along with her and it is only until she can get back on her feet. So that meaning 3 people to this small room. At first it wasn't the worst, but that would quickly change.

So we're all living together, Sean wakes up horny one midnight, I didn't want to do things w him cause Rose was sleeping right next to us and i didn't wanna wake her/get her involved cause again, I wanted to take things slow. Sean was visibly frustrated w my decision and I felt awful. I don't remember how exactly things went down, but what i do remember is Rose waking up and us somehow discussing his frustration and her trying to immediately shit on Sean and basically trying to egg me on to break up w him. I should've taken this as red flag #3 and been out that second but woe is me right?

So we end up doing things to my absolute discomfort, but I'm used to being taken advantage of so i just chalk it up to, I've had 3sums b4, this is no big deal.

But things start to get weird real fast. She threw out her psych meds cause now that she was with us, she was happy and no longer needed them. She started asking us about buying furniture, but we told her no because this wasn't a permanent living situation and that she should save her money for important things. She was wasting money she didn't have on alcohol, to try to get me drunk so that we could do things. Me and Sean talked about our boundaries, some being, no kissing, must always wear protection while inside others, no friends, no old flings, yadda yadda.

So as time passed I could see that Rose was starting to get romantically attached to Sean. She tried calling him the same pet names I'd call him and it would piss us off. Like I understand NRE, but she was getting crazy comfortable too quickly, while we earned the trust to call eachother what we do. It was just red flag after red flag and I expressed my concerns to Sean.

I want to state that before we were living together, we all agreed that this was us all trying to get to know eachother before we all settled down and decided to pursue a romantic relationship if it came down to that. We didn't want to lead Rose on and we all agreed to the arrangement.

So it came down to the day that I told Sean I didn't see myself romantically interested in her and that we should all just stay friends. Well this didn't sit quite well with her as she was already telling everyone that I was her gf. When we got home she completely shut me out and clung onto Sean.

Now i got to see what her true intentions were. When Sean left for work she'd leave me all alone to go hang out with Eren. She wouldn't come back into the room until Sean came back. She'd start to complain about us always using her tv yadda yadda, but she would always walk out of the room when it was just me and her. She was clearly trying to avoid me. One time I caught her trying to cuddle w Sean, he was pushing her off as I came into the room and she quickly jumped off him like she knew she was doing something wrong. She tried to blame Sean for her seizure, when Sean was the one who caught her as she was falling and told her to eat something that morning, but she refused. She started blaming us for her dwindling funds, even went as far as trying to request a refund for rent she paid.

She starts saying that we can leave now and that Erens ok with just renting out the room to her. This was not the case

We left her alone 1 weekend because we thought some space would help the growing animosity. Apparently while we were away, she invited Bill over to the safe place we helped her escape to.

I think that was the final straw. We told her she could pursue anyone she wanted and that we'd support her as long as it wasn't Bill. She broke the one rule we had placed which was Bill wasn't allowed over.

We left that same weekend. Packed all of our shit while she watched from Erens room, giving Sean the puppy eyes the entire time. Eren clearly distressed came out wondering why we were leaving and we told him what Rose had said. He told us he never said she could rent alone, but we didn't want to be there anymore with her and she needed the place more than us so we left anyways.

After we left she'd call Sean everyday to tell him that she loved him and missed him. She'd constantly try to invite him over and he'd refuse. I told Sean that It'd be in his best interest to cut her off, as remaining friends was impossible due to her infatuation. He did not listen to me at first and thought he could be a friend.

Then one day she straight up asked Sean what it would take for him to leave me. We both laughed at this as I've always been reassured that we are life partners and the only thing that will be separating us is death.

So skip to a few months later and we clearly hate eachother, but that doesn't stop us from visiting Eren to smoke and catch up. She would be such a weirdo, like she'd constantly walk by the door to erens room to peer in, she'd try to get Sean to smoke in her room, but was always denied. To add insult to injury, she sought out one of his friends, Chris, and started dating him while calling Sean to tell him how much she loves him and still hung out with Bill.

I caught her with Bill while she was dating our mutual Chris. Chris knew about the abuse and she knew she wasn't supposed to be hanging with Bill. I told Chris what I had seen and that she was more than likely cheating on him. This pissed her off cause she tried to call the authorities on me saying I was harassing her one day while we went to visit Eren. Eren was able to tell the authorities that she wasn't on the lease and that me n Sean were in fact there to see him as we had informed him 30min prior that we would be there. She was served an eviction notice the next day, since me n Sean left packages started going missing and now she was bringing heat to the house knowing she wasn't legally allowed to be there. Serves the bitch right. Chris broke up with her the same day and Sean finally cut her off for good.

Anyways, after the whole police harassing ordeal she tried to insinuate that Sean cheated on me which got me. I questioned him about what she meant and he started trying to deflect asking things like, do you really want to talk about this now? That pissed me off more than anything. I learned then that apparently they had a fling (obviously way before he met me) and I felt betrayed. It's just the fact that we had set boundaries stating no friends/previous flings and he used words like "we used to talk" which to me translates as literally just talking and getting to know each other, not full on fucking. I explained this to him and he kinda blamed me for misunderstanding what he meant. Anyways we haven't been in any kinda contact with this hobosexual since the shitshow. might I add this all happened in the span of 3 weeks.

Anyways my questions is, how do I get over this? It's been two years and i am still very traumatized. Like to the point where I haven't been able to open up to a friend since. I feel like it negatively affected my libido as well as I'm way more sex repulsed than before and leaning towards asexuality. Like I only realty have sex with Sean in order to sate his desires while I could care less about mine. It unfortunately just started feeling like a chore and I try to avoid it as much as I can, but his libido is so high it's unfair to him to not be active but it's also unfair for me to force myself. I feel like I have such a huge resentment and Idk how to verbalize it. Idk how to get past this as he's constantly brought up trying a thruple thing again multiple times, but I'm so scared. I wanted to adopt a dont ask dont tell policy, but I know that would drive me insane.

It also doesn't help that he has double standards. That's another thing i want to bring up, but Idk how to get him to see my perspective. Like i have to be ok with him fucking girls cause he's straight, but god forbid I mention another male or person that doesn't identify as cis female. I'm way kinkier, or was before this ordeal, than him. I'm also pan so my dating pool is significantly larger than his. I don't want to separate from him, as I'm sure many will tell me to do. I just want to vent and hopefully receive advice that could help me get through this trauma. TIA