So, my partner found out not too long ago he has HSV-1 on the genital area. I thought rationally about it and went, well, it is a common thing out there, and he’s been non-monogamous for years at this point, same with his wife. I decided that I’m not leaving him over a very common thing.

The snag I’m running into is swinger events, BDSM events, or just sex parties. There’s this one woman who’s already giving me trouble about the whole thing when I told her I can’t get the blood test because the place I go to doesn’t do HSV blood tests, and I’m not having symptoms for a culture test. She just repeated that I need to get tested in three months. (Even if I would, it still wouldn’t be accurate because I’m not going to stop having sex with my partner.) So she basically told me since I have to wait three months I can no longer go to her all women sex party. I’ve been upfront and honest with people interested in me, most conversations haven’t been bad at all. I’m just afraid I’ll never be allowed at any events, and I haven’t even gotten to attend one yet. Are there really a lot of judgmental non-monogamous folks out there? Because it kind of seems to be an issue. My doctor basically said a lot of people at those parties probably have HSV-1 anyway so it’s unfair I’m being told I can’t come due to my partner actually knowing his status when most don’t. I just need help navigating how I should go about attending events. Should I always give the host a heads up about my partner’s status? Or is it okay to show up and tell anyone interested in me? I’m just frustrated. Thanks!