Crossposting on recommendation of another reddit member. Please don’t slide into my DM’s not feeling comfortable with people right now. Won’t answer.

New to this subreddit but I’m struggling and would like some ideas and guidance. Thank you in advance. (37F) and (44M)

I’ll try to make the backstory as uncomplicated as possible. My husband of 13 years (together 17, yes, we met when I was 18 and I’ve only had a few sexual partners otherwise) had started to explore ENM after fooling around with a close close friend group.

I’ve been on SSRIs since early teen years and can’t be off so my sex drive isn’t the greatest. The idea alone of opening our marriage catapulted my sex drive into the atmosphere. My husband is a very patient grounded wonderful man and has been following my lead through a lot of this.

The idea has been exciting and liberating. I don’t have jealousy and we have an incredibly strong bond and trust and this experience has only made us that much stronger. While besides fooling around with friends 5 months ago, we have have not had physical sexual relations with others. For me, all emotional.

We started ‘dating’ other couples aiming to date together and have been guided by a different couple I know through other life connections who are strictly swingers (we haven’t played together, just friends). They swing to keep any emotions out of it. All for the sex. I think I would have a hard time with sex without much connection. I supposed I identify as Demisexual.

Things get dicey two weeks ago as I meet a couple on an app that identifies as trying out polyamory and demisexual. I connect really hard with this couple and was aggressively pursued by the male. Really connected as friend/mom friend with female and began to have feelings for her too (exploring newly identified bisexuality). I went down a sexual and emotional rabbit hole with him. Went on a couples date, couple wanted me, not my husband and things ultimately got called off.

I decided to pull both of us out of the ENM scene (for now maybe) because I don’t trust myself with my own feelings toward others and not be able to remove emotion from sex. I have empath energy, feel deeply and love deeply.

Have been craving sexual adventure and feeling depressed a bit at this exploration we had been doing and may have lost? Have been discovering kinks with my husband too that has been spicy. But something about bringing others into our sexual scene has been wildly exciting and I’m having a hard time pinpointing a healthy way to keep the spicy alive long term for husband and I.

Any ideas and insight is greatly appreciated.