My partner (~30M) set a rule for me (~30F) that I don’t agree with. My FWB and I have been seeing each other for a year now and I realized my partner and I had never discussed how we wanted to handle “I love you’s.” So I brought it up directly.

I told him that I had these feelings for my FWB but did not necessarily feel the need to say them. We tend to use other language (“you mean the world to me,” etc.) However, I said that if my FWB said the words to me, I’d want to say them back.

My husband said that it would hurt him if we used those words. He set a rule that I cannot use them with my FWB. He also said I should NOT tell my FWB about this rule, and that if my FWB used the words “I love you,” I would have to end things.

I told my husband I was not willing to do this. The conversation ended there because we agreed to talk about it in couples therapy. The couples therapist said she understood that it would hurt my husband too much if I used those words. And that’s where the conversation died.

I don’t expect compersion from my husband. I empathize that this is difficult. But I don’t accept this rule being placed on me and am in a tough spot.

I’ll add that I’ve already expressed to my husband that these words wouldn’t not change the amount of time I’d be spending with my FWB or anything else for that matter. The words are just nice to say and nice to hear when they are meant. Thoughts?