My wife (mid 20s F) and I (mid-upper 20s M) are strongly looking into exploring a fantasy and seeing what happens with it. She is an extremely curious bisexual who has never been with a woman, and I, too, entertain the idea of welcoming another female into the room to see where it goes. In fact, neither of us have any sexual experience with anyone except each other. We were each others’ firsts, and remain each others’ only partner so far. However, after nearly a decade together, we have figured out exactly what we like and we have a lot of fun together, and we’re open to try new things.

She recently brought up the idea of having sexual relations with another woman during a spicy conversation over text, and when I said I’d welcome the idea, she said she was surprised and figured I’d never go for it, but now she is even more curious since I said I’d be open. This is not the first time the topic has come up, and she seems to be more and more interested each time we talk about it.

We both agree that it would be a woman - no chance of a man - joining us. She is not interested in another man joining us, she is specifically attracted to the idea of a woman in this case, and while I may be bi-curious, I wouldn’t want her involved with another guy if that was something I actually become interested in pursuing.

We’re actively in discussions about what we want and what limits we would set. It seems our biggest concern is we don’t want feelings to develop that may get in the way of our marriage, which is of course a very tricky road to navigate. I don’t think I would become jealous that she is sexually involved with another woman as long as I’m also involved in some way, either actively sexually involved with our partner, only involved with my wife while she enjoys our partner, or idly sitting nearby in the room and enjoying the view. Either way, to see her with another woman is a fantasy of mine. Where we are not totally sure where to place the line falls in her side of the court - we’re not sure what boundaries she will be comfortable with. This is primarily for her, so again I’m happy to sit and enjoy from a few feet away, but it would certainly be fun to get involved.

We’re also not sure whether to make it a one time plan, or if we want to pursue something in the short- or long-term. We don’t know who to suggest it to, we don’t know how to bring it up, we don’t know how to do this.

Also, before it is suggested that we’re hunting for a “unicorn”, this is not the case. We want the potential partner to be as important as a player in this as the both of us - not the subject of some experiment. The goal is plenty of pleasure for three (or at least the two of them while i take care of myself).

As long as it’s clean, safe, respectful, and honest, we’re hoping to give this a try.

So, where do we begin? How do we approach finding another woman who would be interested in joining us? What else should we consider?