I, female, have a 16 year marriage and am poly. We both are. I'll call my Husband A. Our marriage is ok. My 2nd partner who ill call B, is where the issue lies. I need advice for how to address this issue in a way that doesn't seem jealous. I am also not wanting to sound like I'm attacking anyone or whining. I'm struggling.

I met him just before a toxic partner split with him. He found me and 1 other at about the same time. The first date was great, but it was dinner with our bigger friend group (where I met him). 2nd date, he spent the entire date talking about the other girl all through coffee. Let's call her C. Axe throwing went well.

3rd date was an overnight at an air BnB. It was a birthday party for a friend. He spent alot of that time talking about C. Later into the evening he actually gave C an invite to come out. She declined. I felt like I couldn't say anything because it was a party for someone else. I felt hurt and like I wasn't a priority. She declined the offer. The next morning some of us were talking about doing a putt putt golf and buffet. Me included. He expressed no interest in going. He eventually admitted that C was going to be coming to spend time with him. I felt like my time with him had been cut short because of this. I had told him not to plan for that weekend and he did.

So before we parted I asked about 3 weekends in the future. 1 of which I knew someone important to me would be in town, and was hoping they could meet. He said he needed that time for himself to rest. I didn't push it. I didn't mention the special friend coming down. I just dropped it.

I told him the days I was free usually, several of which aligned with his days off and then we left. 3 weeks went by with minimal communication. He wasn't initiating any invites or plans to spend time together. I started trying to initiate. I'd either not get much or find out he was spending time with C. (2-3 times a week). I found out he gave his rest weekends to her as well.

I mentioned that I wished I could see him even half as much as she sees him. He agreed that he needed to see me more. We settled on a date mid January. 1.5 months after our last date.

I asked about him coming with me to meet my special friend and he mentioned already having plans with C. He then scolded me for not asking sooner. I reminded him of his need for alone time. He apologized.

He has continued to not invite me anywhere. He has continued to see her multiple times a week. He has been communicating less and less.

I asked if he was still interested in even seeing where this goes. He agreed that he was. I doubled down and said I would even be upset if we split. He doubled down. We spent 3 hours where I named off different dates and times between now and July. Most of which he turned down because he already had plans with C. She has him booked far out. She even gets valentines weekend.

I mentioned that this wasn't working for me at all. I said I've never seen any partner this little and kept them around. I said that going forward for thus to work, I'd need 2 dates a month. 1 of those should be an overnight/Saturday. He agreed and said we would find time and work it out.

I suggested a couples app for communication, it asks a daily question, you both answer and discuss. Doesn't take more than 5 minutes a day. He agreed. Said he liked that idea and downloaded it. We also agreed on a weekend in March that we could go away for 3 days and where we would go.

I thought we were working through it. Wrong was I. He canceled the March trip the next morning stating that he looked at the calendar wrong and couldn't go due to other plans. Not sure if those plans include C.

It took him 3 days to finally pair with me in the app. He hasnt opened it since. No effort. I don't feel like I should be nagging or asking everyday. The app sends reminders.

Now he is texting about our upcoming date in mid January. Telling me plans have changed and C will be dropping him off at the meeting spot. It's supposed to be out day but she will be there dropping him off which is assume will just be a Segway to him inviting her to join us. I hope not.

She's very sweet. I know her. I just feel like she gets 110% of B. I end up with what's left and if he isn't trying to invite her, he's talking about her. I don't know how to address this without seeming like I'm jealous or whiny. I need quality time with me to be some kind of priority for him and its not. I just dont see this working in the future if it doesn't change drastically.

I'm not sure why he isn't making an effort. I'm not sure why he is keeping me when he is clearly loosing interest. I've given so many opportunities for him to invite me, see me, and communicate with me. It almost feels like an active choice not to choose me at this point.

Am I the asshole? Is this just jealousy? How would you address it if you were me? If it doesn't change by early February I'm just going to walk away I think. I can't be with someone who isn't choosing me.