Hi all, for background (I, 29F) and my partner (29M) have been together for 4 years, open for 2 years, and are currently long-distance for at least the next 12 months (we've done this prior, and typically date independently). In March of 2023, he didn't wear a condom with someone, and it left me feeling betrayed and disrespected. We however got through that with a lot of long discussions, and I trusted he wouldn't have done that with just anyone, given a lot of circumstances.

Recently I had a 3-month stay with him, and in that time I met one of his consistent hook-ups, even got to listen to them have sex (kink of mine), and we also had our first 3-some together with this person. In the threesome, we all discussed being ok without a condom given our test results, always using protection otherwise, and BC use. It was a great experience.

After that experience, I brought up continued use of the barrier, given that I only wanted to make an exception for that experience, together (stated before the 3-some). He respected this but in more recent conversations, he is trying to understand why I'm not ok with it, and while I thought I've been clear about risks (STD/Pregnancy), he agrees, but this trusted partner is clear, and only having sex with him currently, so why limit the enjoyment?

I feel like my reasons are emotional, stemming from a trust issue not fully resolved (given the previous break), but I also don't want to limit my partner. We're still discussing it, because he's crystal clear it's purely sexual, and I think I'm also bothered bc he also states things like "Oh well if you have a trusted partner you could do it." which just irks me.

Can anyone speak to their prior experiences? Boundary misalignments?

I'm also curious to hear from people who allow no condoms with trusted longer-term partners?

Thoughts on fluid bonding with metamores (note, we are not poly, just open)?

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