Core info: Me (22) and my partner (21) have been together for one year and six ish months. We moved in together a few months ago and everything has been going alright and we love each other very much, yet this conversation changed everything.

How we got here: You see, two of my friends tried dating each other, however it didnt work out when it turned out that one of them wants to be poly while the other wants to be strictly monogamous, which is a dealbreaker for both of them. After hanging out with one of those friends i came home to my partner and told them about the whole thing. Anyway this led to us having a conversation about open relationships which led to me admitting that i would maybe want to try it out. At first my partner responded pretty neutral, they said that its alright n that all i needed to do is inform them in advance before participating in anything. I asked if they would want to open their side as well and i emphasised that i really wouldnt mind, yet they declined. This topic simmered for a few days, i read about open relationships online and did some internal digging about why i would even need one, as to be fair, everything between me and my partner has been going pretty stable and we love each other very much. I decided that i dont want hookups or dates with people but rather just to kiss/make out and flirt with them, as it was something rather normal for me to do before i got into the relationship. I also read about how my partner should establish some boundaries for me, as they are the one whose side is closed. I brought this up with them and they layed down some rules that made me feel like they are unhappy with allowing me to kiss other people. For example one rule was "dont kiss or touch me if you kiss or touch (touching was specified as non sexual) other people." I told them that we dont have to do this if it makes them uncomfortable yet they replied with "i dont want to hold you down". Topic was left to simmer for a few more days till me and my partner had a few drinks together where they admitted that they dont want me to "fool around" with others because this might result in me leaving them, however they also said that they felt like if they didnt allow me to pursue other people i would become disenfranchised about our relationship and leave as well. They also said that they dont understand why i would even think about wanting other people in the first place if i have them. This made me realize how much an open relationship would hurt them, as all the calmness they originally displayed during our first conversation has completely vanished. I instantly told them that i dont want to do something that hurts them, however they yet again specified that they do want me to "go for it" as they feel like our relationship prevents me from "living out my life to the fullest".

The issue: The sad thing here is that they are right, atleast to some degree, our relationship does prevent me from living how i used to before we got together and as happy as i am with my partner i feel a great discomfort towards the thought of settling down and being exclusive with them for the rest of my life. I had this mild fear of "full commitment" for almost a year, ever since it got clear that we will move in together and i did pursue therapy in an attempt to alleviate it, yet it has become clear to me now that this wasnt enough. Its not even necessarily about pursuing or being with other people its just the thought of a settled down and fully committed life, however, yeah being strictly monogamous also plays a part in this. Since me and my partner didnt reach a conclusion we are currently trying to find a couples therapist yet i would like to ask the people here for more input. I start to worry that maybe i might just be not cut out for a fully committed monogamous relationship however i do not want to split up with my partner. Any advice how to fix this or is a break up unavoidable? I feel like i should have thought about this before getting together with them, but back then i had no clue about open relationships are.