OG post linked. I bring update! Velma came over to have sex, just the two of us that time. I had politely asked my partner to give us the space and she was happy to.

It was awesome and fun and perfect for us both. Afterwards, I had enough courage to tell her everything I was feeling. I was mindful to avoid romantic couple language while also expressing what kind of thing I was seeking (QPP). I taught her what the term meant for me and why I think it applies to what we have.

I let her know that her partner Daphne of course has input and can veto things she’s uncomfortable with. I was also like “Hi I know some of this sounds like a relationship request but I cannot express enough that I don’t want the way we feel to change, I just want more physical affirmations of the stuff we do feel.”

I was asking for casual kissing, to hide it a little less from our friends, to be more deliberate in the time we set aside for just eachother. To let it be fun and sexy and often and not something we have to be at arms length about for other people’s sake, or for fear of falling in love. The casual kissing, for me, is kinda like. “This is how our friendship feels for me. This is how I want to show it to you. We can do that because we have sex, because it feels safe, because I care about you in a way that makes this feel better than hugging when I see you.”

That was another thing. Velma has had a few unfortunate incidents of falling in love with people she hooked up with. Not in recent years, all when she was much younger. In recent years, people she’s hooked up with have instead, fallen in love with Her. But she wouldn’t feel the same way back. I’m not anticipating either of us catching feelings, and neither is she. But I felt the need to tell her the whole Poly Rule: You can’t predict feelings, so you can’t make rules about preventing them.

I reassured her that if either of us got to a place where we felt like we were catching feelings, that we would just Talk about it. The people who have crushed on Velma recently have been people who wouldn’t work well with Velma and her partner. We both acknowledged that I am very different, and it’s actually possible we’d catch feelings for eachother. And if it happened, we’re just gonna talk. We’re not gonna panic, we’re gonna assess what we need, and we’ll be okay.

She acknowledged Daphne would probably be open to letting their ENM relationship be fully poly if the person who came in was me. I’m not confident in that, but I don’t need to be. I don’t particularly want that to happen.

But basically Velma said yes! To literally all of it. She said she needed to check in with Daphne, who very loved all of the idea.

It was all just very sweet, and I just had so much love in my chest for her while we talked and laughed and just were. I do think what I have with her is softer and sweeter than my other friendships. I love knowing that neither of us are pushing for it to become romantic. It feels safe and kind and secure in a way that I don’t want to change.

I know this probably sounds like “Uh…you’re just dating.” But we aren’t and that’s SO GREAT! I think poly and ENM friendships can be so unique in that I get to have something like this in addition to my many perfect friends, and my stunning partner.

I wish I could share a little more about what this QPP is like with more of my friends, but unfortunately several of them are still in love with her. My partner always thought I was funny that I got to “keep” Velma, despite never catching feelings. I got lucky, I think. I’m happy. I’m so stupid happy. Just the other day she came by to drop off extra pizzas from her family holiday, and before she left she pinned me to the car and we just couldn’t stop kissing. I’m so. AAAAAAAAAA. It’s great, I’m feeling so great. Happy holidays everyone akdjfjajfkdkc