After 16 years of monogamy, my partner and I discussed opening up our relationship. Neither of us have crossed that physical line yet but plans are in the works. We have been reading polysecure and it has made me realize I haven't dealt with some of my own person issues and ill be seeking a counselor to start working through that.

Since we have started talking to people and making connections with these ethereal people, our relationship has dramatically improved. We're talking more, I find myself thinking of her more often and what she needs/wants. Our intimacy/sex life has dramatically improved. We have NEVER in all our years of being together had this much fun with sex. I've always felt so much anxiety in regards to sex, never being able to just let go and enjoy the moment. The closeness we feel, how honest we are with our wants and needs has been absolutely amazing.

That being said, this experience has made us both acutely aware of how just...ok we were prior to starting this journey. I have so many conflicting feelings about how to proceed, part of me wants to have that closeness just the two of us but the logical side of my brain knows I can't meet all of her emotional/physical needs.

With my current state of emotions I have put her emotions into chaos while I sit her and try to decide how to proceed. It's not just my feelings anymore, it's other people's as well. These connections turn into a web where it's all Interconnected.

She is my best friend, and I love her so much and all I want is for her to be happy but my back and forth has definitely caused some raw feelings that are completely understandable.

I'd love to hear some others feedback that may have gone through similiar situations while opening up their relationship.

I guess the tldr is I have all these insecurities even though I know in my heart that we can make it through anything and having a difficult time coming to terms with them.

edit- I've lived most of my life by paralysis my over analysis. I know I want to let go and just experience this for what is, a new experience ce that can be beautiful for us both as individuals and as a couple. this experience has taught us both so much but its so difficult for me to try to move forward with all these concerns. Some of the concerns we wont have an answer to until we experience it. ​