I'm almost at my wits end here.

My wife and I want to get into nonmonogamy. I'm the one who initially showed interest, she wasn't super onboard, but then came back a few months later saying she thought it might be fun. For us it would look like the possibility of a threesome from time to time if the situation presents, or her getting oral sex from a female escort.

For me it would look like seeing an escort every month or two for oral without a condom.

I've done TONS of research on this and find much conflicting info. Here is some of it I've found showing an award winning STD researcher saying "Don't worry about it" basically.

Here is the posts that make me think go for it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/184u9fv/is_oral_sex_safe_sex/

https://markmanson.net/std-guide

https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/14ag2ea/a_riskaware_sti_guide/

We would test every 3-6 months. I'm really worried about bringing genital herpes into the relationship though. I think the smart move is for us both to just get the HPV vaccine and go for it.

I know deep down she could be 100% happy not doing any of this, and that she is getting onboard for me. I don't want to ruin our marriage with STIs, but at the same time I really have these urges. She also is excited to try it out.

I just want to make a decision and move on with our lives. This is consuming all my waking hours trying to come to a conclusion.

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