Hi~~ So at 30, I'm in my first relationship. It's wonderful in most ways - never knew I could love this deeply, and never knew I could be sexual with another person.

I thought I was asexual, but I guess I'm demi. Due to the lack of sexual interest on my part in the beginning, we opened this up on my girlfriend's end. She doesn't date other people - just hooks up with them.

My only issue is that this is never a dynamic I wanted. It doesn't fulfill me in anyway. It's just been making me sad. I know it's insecurity, and I know it speaks poorly of me to be jealous; I am, however, incredibly jealous. Some days its all I think about. Life was already stressful for me right now - my transition isn't going smoothly, and my anxiety/depression gas been insane since before this relationship dynamic started.

I want her to be happy. We have so many big plans for eachother. I want her to be satisfied in life. I'm just hurting. Why do I feel rejected? Why am I being so selfish when I just want to make us work in whatever she realizes that she needs.

How do I get over myself? How can I not be jealous? How do I make myself okay with this?

Thanks~~~