Hi!! I (25F) am starting to open my relationship with my lovely partner (28F) of four years - we started adding thirds about a year ago and opened individually about 2 weeks ago. Overall, we’re both very excited, but I’m working thru a loooot of stuff that’s coming up around my anxious attachment. It’s a lot and has been anything but easy for me to watch the love of my life develop new, romantic connections with other people. But I am excited for her to be in flow with her energy and do think I will find compersion eventually, it’s just requiring a lot of work for me. She is more securely attached so having way less jealousy, anxiety, and fear to sit with.

We have a list of shared agreements for us to protect what we have and minimize explosive jealousy, though we recognize jealous feelings will come up. (E.g. warn each other about bruises/marks, don’t spend holidays with lovers, etc)

One of those agreements right now is no sleepovers. As we’re just getting started, it feels too intimate and scary for us to be sleeping over at other people’s houses when we usually sleep together. Our schedules are terribly misaligned too, so this is a space for us to really connect.

She has expressed discomfort with this agreement and she and the person she is seeing have brought up the inconvenience of it multiple times.

I feel terrible for holding a boundary that is not allowing them to expand into their feelings, but i also feel like their relationship is moving so quickly for me to process everything that is coming up for me.

Any advice or thoughts you have on this structure would be so appreciated. I’m feeling very vulnerable and raw, so please leave snark, sarcasm and anger out of the comments.