So, I've been working on some stuff in my own ENM relationship. I figured I'd share my insights. Maybe help someone else too.

1)"I want to close our relationship to work on us."

It makes sense right? Not Really. Here's why.

Most of the time, people say that because they want to work on solidifying their relationship. Again, it makes sense on the surface level, buuuut hit that thought a little deeper with me for a second.

If you want a foundation that's successful for non monogamy, you kinda have to create the environment in a non monogamous environment. Closing your relationship to work on the foundation, will create a foundation for a closed relationship.

It's SO MUCH EASIER to close things up. It's a safety mechanism. Take away the threats. Work on us. Open up again, baby, those threats are still gonna be there.

ENM is essentially exposure therapy for abandonment wounds. This shit is hard, but it can be very healing if you allow it to be. Self introspection is a bitch, but it's worth it in the end, I promise.

2) Jealousy and Envy

There's a HUGE difference in these two. Jealousy contains a personal element. You're scared of losing something with jealousy. With Envy, you're scared of never gaining what someone else has.

Jealousy = Loss Envy = Gain

Example: Partner A has a Primary partner, named Partner B. A has an FWB, named C. C and A have a very intense sexual energy between them. B points out that A never does that with them. B is insecure in their relationship with A because of A's conversation with C.

This example contains BOTH jealousy and envy. Partner B is scared that A will eventually leave (loss) for C, because of their intense sexual energy. B wants (gain) that sexual energy with A as well.

Jealousy usually contains two parts. Insecurity and a missing need.

Envy usually just contains a missing need.

Find the root cause of the insecurity, find the need, and then voila, you have much more manageable jealousy and envy! Ta da!

That's about it. I hope this helps someone 😘🥰