LONG READ, really appreciate the advice tho

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I feel a bit wronged by life? Not sure how to describe it

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I have a lovely partner that is such an essential pillar and support in my life I would not change a thing about them. However, I've been going through a bumpy road lately both internally and externally. I have cPTSD and depersonalization disorder, just recently diagnosed (but struggling for a while now clearly) so I've been struggling a lot with that lately. Lots of heavy EMDR sessions, questioning my identity, who I am etc. I am also queer and ace, and this whole identity/depersonalization has sparked up old issues along this line.

Externally, schoolwork and heavy family life, I have also been dealing with a lot lately.

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My partner and I recently opened the relationship. We had been gradually shifting into ENM, mostly because of their interest in it, but theres a lot of aspects of ENM that i appreciate and I felt comfortable and ready to take the next step. It was a big deal for me since it's also a topic that sparks up pent up trauma and a bit of my internalized acephobia.

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On the other side, my partner has been ecstatic since opening the relationship, they've been going to some meetings from a polyamory/ENM group he met, they've been talking to more people, has made out with a couple people etc. They've also been on a gender journey recently and just came to a sort of big realization/turning point regarding their gender identity and it's made them very happy. I am so deeply happy for them, I genuinely have supported them through this journey and couldn't be happier. In part it's been thanks to my support that they've been able to come out and such.

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Anyway, this weekend we went out partying on friday (got very drunk and had a great time with my friends and them) and saturday we woke up at their place.

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They had mentioned earlier this week that they had a poly group meeting this saturday on the afternoon but never actually confirmed that they were going. We were hanging out and cuddling while waiting for takeout (they ordered) and they suddenly just stood up and said "well I gotta get ready for the activity" I was confused because I was having a very sad day (the hangover and I had my period and a bunch of family stuff going on) and had no idea they would actually go to the thing, let alone after knowing I was having a shit day. I asked them if they were sure and they eventually left, leaving me at their home with the takeout by myself. It felt like such a backstab, and I cried all evening. I eventually texted them how sad it made me and we had a long talk about it. We communicate very well and they were very understanding and didn't really realize how shitty it was leaving me.

Along the same line, about 2 weeks ago they also did something a bit shitty and broke one of our very clear boundaries (using OLD abroad behind my back). They told me about it and did apologize and we talked it out.

Here's the thing, I am still very happy and supporting of them, and I do feel like they apologized but I just feel like it's, idk, unjust? I feel like I've been getting the short end of the stick for a while now.

Those two incidents have left me a bit torn, I really am happy for them and don't feel resentment towards them really, but I can't help but feel like it's unfair they're so happy while I am struggling so much. I feel like I'm putting so much effort and sacrifice, both with my internal issues and mental health but also opening up the relationship. But I feel so not validated. I feel as if my partner doesn't really looks after my needs anymore, even though he's still there. I don't want these feelings to boil into resentment, so I'm not sure what to do.

I also don't want my partner to be on top of me 24/7 and hate feeling like a burden and like such a high needs person (even though I sadly am), so I don't expect them to just stop attending things, or anything. I just want validation and to feel as if my sacrifice is worth it?

In general, even though they're still there for me I've feel like they've been more distant ever since we've opened up the relationship. Is it normal to feel this way even though they're still there for me?

We've talked a lot about these two incidents and my feelings around it but I still feel shitty. I know it's not his fault, but I think I just want to be angry at him and at like for a while if that makes sense?