While I don’t believe you should talk yourself into something you are not comfortable with, I do find it useful to have a toolkit for the times that jealousy rears its head. I find that if, when I get that pang of jealousy, I read this list (I have it saved on my iPhone NOTES), it enables me to see the bigger picture and find some perspective. It helps me, maybe it’ll help you. Feel free to reconfigure any of the wording for your own needs.

I am fully confident in the solidity of my relationship.

I am so confident in my relationship that my partner and I can each have relationships, experiences, romance, and/or sex with other people without it negatively impacting our relationship in any significant way.

My partner is desired by other people, and that is sexy. I know that while other people might enjoy him/her/them for a time, they are my soulmate and life partner, and will always come home to me.

The thought of my partner having sexual chemistry, yummy desire, and lust with another man or woman is a turn on for me.

I know that all of our outside experiences and relationships strengthen each of us as individuals and therefore strengthens our marriage/partnership/bond.

While our sex at home is always fun, hot and meaningful, I can’t provide my partner new or novel experiences and different flavors. Connecting with others sexually and romantically brings new life and energy to each of us.

(This one is more from the male/husband perspective.) Our outside experiences and partners will never be equal. My partner will always have more opportunities than I will and I not only accept that, I am happy for her opportunities and enjoy seeing whatever she can gain from as many connections and partners as she is able to make.

Our connections with others says nothing about our relationship or our connection, which is unique, deep, strong and fortified by years of love and memories. My partner’s desire and sexual connection with other people can coexist with our desire and sexual connection with each other, and one does not eclipse the other. They can both be true, and ultimately our connection always takes importance.

All of these experiences only make us better as individuals and a couple, and I welcome as many opportunities as we can squeeze into our busy lives.

I am happy every time someone new connects with my partner, because I know that will bring my partner new life, new wisdom, and the opportunity for joy in their life.