Hi all,

Curious what people would do in this situation.

Recently moved to my boyfriend's city, together 3 years, long distance for one and now I moved across country to be with him. He's had another partner for just over a year in the new city and from when I discovered the relationship (months into them dating) I've been respectful and understanding with some melt downs here and there which we've navigated well as a couple.

I had been feeling stronger and closer with him since discovering their relationship (we were always nonmonog though, not a case of discovered cheating. Just not being transparent to the extent of their relationship) and us talking about my needs back in January.

However since moving to his city he has withdrawn completely, no sex, no compliments, no real I love toys, barely quality time together. Everytime I checked in he would state it was his depression. Fair shot, I can respect that and would try to make his life easier being there for him.

Had a nagging feeling something wasn't right and couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't being so dismissive with his other partner. I did check his phone for the first time in our relationship and found out that he and his other partner regularly have intimate, kinky sex, talk extensively throughout the day and are now saying I love you to one another with cute nicknames. I had requested he tell me if he ever started loving them. He did not tell me anything.

I exploded, I felt (feel) disgusting, unwanted, unloved and incredibly stupid. Which I all let him know and told him I can't be in a relationship where I'm the only one putting effort in.

He's proposed couples therapy and said he wants me in his life still and recognized he hasn't been a fair partner to me.

Would you guys go for the therapy or cut your losses?

I'm so in love with him but pain I feel realizing he doesn't love me to the same extent is a huge blow.

I also asked if his other partner ever asked him to leave me what would he say. He said that they have asked him in a non serious manner before and he said he would leave them if they asked.

Honestly put a bad taste in my mouth and I don't feel like his other partner respects my relationship with him at all. I don't have interest in competing with someone who can't respect my time and relationship.

Anyway, long rant. I've spoken to some friends in person and they've all been very supportive of me and think therapy is a good go. Wanted to see what the non monogamous community thoughts were.