I previously posted about my struggle with insecurities if you want to peep in my post history, or not. I (32f) was struggling deeply with feelings of rejection and abandonment fears when my husband (39m) starting seeing a new woman (36f) for the first time. I was absolutely spiraling and it wasn't good for either me or my husband. He was spending a lot of effort reassuring me and going out of his way to give extra love/affection, but I was too caught up in my spiral to hear any of it. Somehow, I got my head out of my ass and climbed out out of the dark. I was being completely silly. I was so very wrong about everything.

I realized (with the help of a kind user who shared their experience with ED symptoms) that my husband's issues in bed were probably stress related. Besides the stress of juggling a budding relationship and my intense emotions about it, we are also dealing with a lot of regular life stress (money, parenting, work stuff). I was so busy in my own head, catastrophizing everything that I definitely hadn't been there for him emotionally. I've made sure to be much more conscious of supporting him emotionally through life stress. I can't make big bills go away or make work stop being work, but I can offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. It's made a difference in how much energy he has to dedicate to our sexual relationship.

Once I got over the feelings of being sexually rejected, I started to see things a little more clearly. I was in a total fog of insecurities and something just clicked. My husband and I have a wonderful connection. We've been together for 12 years and we know each other inside and out. I know how to push all of his buttons in all of the right ways. We're happy together and I don't have any good reason to fear that he would leave me or no longer be attracted to me. I haven't gotten over my insecurities overnight or anything. I just realized that my insecurities are about myself, not about my marriage and I've been letting them get in the way. That wasn't fair to me or my husband.

After I stopped spiraling, everything felt great. He went on another date with her on Tuesday. I didn't feel anxious or jealous while he was gone. I was okay and I was happy for him to go out. Unfortunately, when he came home, he said he didn't have as much fun as the last few times. I won't share the details of their date, I wasn't there, but it sounds like they need to get on the same page with what they want from each other or they will probably fizzle out.

Now we're riding high on all those benefits that you hear about. The more I let go, the closer he's gotten. Our communication has been great, which is something I'd never thought I'd say. Sparks are flying between us. It's like falling in love for the first time all over again. So glad I stuck it out.

Also, in my last post a lot of people seemed concerned about the curfew thing. We revisited the topic and decided to drop it. He said it's nice in theory but not practical in real life situations. I agreed, as long as there's no drunk/overtired driving and my kiddo gets to school on time. Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post and I apologize if I was a resistant to hearing some of it.