Hi, my partner and I (both mid 20s) have been been together for around 6 months and have lived together for about a 2 years (a housemates-to-dating story). We entered the relationship with a pretty clear understanding that we’d be free to casually date other people, but would be each others primary partners. It’s a very positive and caring relationship and I think we’re both good communicators. It’s taken a bit of time for us to start exploring dating after getting together but we’re now both on some dating apps and starting to test the waters a bit.

I’ve been reading a lot of the posts on this sub and the polyamory one and there’s a pretty strong sentiment around the pitfalls of heads-up agreements and other such things. I have recently found myself struggling to regulate my emotions, I can be anxious and obsessive with my thoughts especially if I’m having a bad mental health day. I find myself spiralling sometimes when I’m in bed at home and I don’t know whether she’s coming back or has met someone out at a bar or a party and might go home with them, or if she’s run into trouble and might be in an unsafe situation. I think a “hey I’ve met someone nice and will see you in the morning” text would go a long way in helping me with that.

Obviously it’s also something I’m going to work on at my end too, but I guess I’m not sure if this is a sustainable or reasonable request given the things people mention in response to similar posts. At the end of the day I just want her to be safe and happy, and don’t know if this is a help or hindrance.

How do people in similar situations deal with this kinda stuff? It’s both of our first time exploring non-monogamy so still very much trying to learn what works and will be sustainable long term. We also spend a lot of time together both at home and out at bars or parties and I’m a bit wary of the codependency we might be developing.

Hope this makes sense!