I have been with my partner for just shy of 1.5yrs. He was highly partnered when we first started dating but she worked a lot of afternoons so we saw each other for a good chunk of time while she was at work. Since January of this year she has a new job where she works days only. Now my partner will only see me when she is at work which is technically during his working hours too but he’s a realtor so all hours are his working hours? She does know about me they just don’t have the healthiest of ENM relationships. (Was DADT which has evolved into some mild communication)

When the amount of quality time we could get together changed I expressed that I was upset and I would need at least every other week for more than 3 hours each time. That was a non-negotiable for me. He met it briefly but has fallen off the last month.

That brings me to this week when he told me he wasn’t sure we would be able to get together at all because of work. He was able to come over after all but only for a few hours. I cried when it was time for him to leave. I cried because I don’t know when I’ll see him again or for how long and I love him and our time together makes me happy. When he leaves it feels like a part of my heart is going too. I told him I don’t think he realizes how hard it is to love someone you can’t see whenever, I can’t even call him when I’m in need. I can never rely on him for anything because of him being highly partnered and the tight restrictions that come with that. I said something that I shouldn’t have said. I said “I’m nothing and nobody and I need to remember my place” but sometimes I feel that way. I have to remember I’m not a part of his life, I get what piece of him he can give me and that’s it and I need to accept it if I want to have him in my life. I need to remember my place or decide I’m not okay with it and move on.

So now he isn’t talking to me. He said he needs time to process everything that was said. I called him and he sent me to voicemail where I explained I think it is fair that I give him space but I think it is equally fair he gives me an eta on when we can have a conversation. No reply. He has read my messages and not replied. In one message I suggested we have a conversation where we communicate before he takes space so we all have correct information to process. Nothing. I have always respected his need to process things but he’s never respected my need for reassurance.

I love him and every other aspect of us is very good. I just don’t understand how he can lack this empathy here.