I've been slowly exploring the ideas of solo poly and relationship anarchy, and I've found one of my former values in a partner stemmed from the restrictive environment a monogamous eventual cohabitation would create. But, if I am not expected to be in a relationship with only one person for the rest of my life AND to eventually live with them, I'm realizing I don't think I care so much about how someone keeps their space.

When I was younger and monogamously dating, I cared SO much about someone's cleaning habits. I keep my space organized and have a regular casual weekly/biweekly reset day for deeper sanitization. I preferred the same behavior in my partners. I remember begging former partners to clean their spaces.

Now, so long as someone respects my space and other people's spaces when they are in it, so what if they don't care about how messy their car is or their room? If I don't think their space is cozy, I just don't spend time in it and insist I would rather take my car or host them at my house. And, I've found I'm more sympathetic to the fact that these habits are symptomatic of time management. Similarly to how I would treat my friends if they expressed they were struggling drowning in work/life/kids balance, I offer to help with organizing or cleaning or just moral support while they complete tasks as a way to spend quality time together. I love seeing things organized, and I love helping my friends relieve some stress, so we can actually genuinely enjoy a hobby together without their life responsibilities lingering on the back burner of their mind once they knock out some of their to do list. I love when friends are down to do the same for me when we're comfortable enough with each other. I'm realizing I'd love to be able to do that for a partner now.

This is something I never thought was possible for myself in monogamy, and it really disgusted me for a long time that I would be so generous towards my friends in this area but not towards a potential life partner.

Y'all, it feels so damn refreshing. I don't know how long it will last, but freeing myself of these former expectations in a partner and being able to separately categorize cleanliness as a roommate expectation feels like a huge win for some reason.