Me (24nb) and my partner (26nb) have been together for almost five years, and sharing a house for almost four. Since the beginning we discussed and agreed on nonmonogamy, but we never actually pursued any other relationships, just ocasionally kissed some people, but never more than once. But in the last month they have been startig to pursue their desires for other people for the first time and ended falling in love with this person (that is in a monogamous relationship, meaning they are probably cheating their partner).

I have been really jealous and insecure about this, I feel a strong unbalance in our way of loving people. While they are more extroverted and easily make friends, I am very introverted and have a hard time making casual friendship and having feelings for people. In the beginning of our relationship it took me months to starting really loving them, meaning I am very slow to build afection to others and probably won't ever be able to fall for more than one person, since relationships in general really drain me.

I realized I was way more comfortable and happy when nobody pursued other afections, but today they confessed me they realized they were unhappy and were supressing their feeling towards other people out of fear. It has been quite a shock to us, for me to realize that they were unhappy while I was happy and this was never communicated, and for them to realize I may not be as nonmonogamous as we though.

I wish we could close the relationship, but I don't want to force that because I don't want to make them sad. Neither of us want to break up, but they are not willing to be flexibe and make agreements too and that makes me sad.

We both go to theraphy (separated) and I am trying to solve my ptsd fear of abandonment. I really wish that in the future I could be as free loving with people as they are, I wish I could get back to nm and overcome my jealousy, but right now it has all been too painfull.