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I am polyamorous with a nested partner. Most of the connections I find outside of her is through dating apps or with people I know are also polyamorous.
Well Iām taking classes this semester and in one class I think I may be making a connection with someone I really find attractive. They donāt know I have a girlfriend yet, Iām by no means hiding her it just hasnāt come up.
I would love to see where things go with this person and maybe ask them on a date but, chances are, they are monogamous and/or donāt have any experiences with polyamory. That could be a boundary for them. I donāt want to lead them on but I donāt know how to organically bring it up without initiating romantic interest. But if the first thing out the gate is me telling them Iām polyamorous and have a girlfriend I live with, Iām really risking scaring them off for a couple different reasons.
Iāve found myself in this scenario before and I just let it get away from me because I donāt know how theyād react. I would really love to have the experience of a college romance. Even if itās not with this person, eventually it would be nice to understand how to do this.
How do I move forward and when/how do I bring it up?
Thatās actually a pretty good approach. It doesnāt make the polyamory thing look like an obstacle while also showing what I want to show, that I care about what she wants. And then ends in a polite way to ask someone out. Thatās really good. Thank you!
Thatās what Iām asking though. Iām obviously not going to ask her out under false pretenses. I donāt know how to bring it up.
If sheās monogamous itās like āI have a girlfriendā. She thinks āoh, heās not availableā. Whether or not sheās open to non-monogamy, I say āI have a girlfriend but Iām polyamorousā I show my ass that Iām interested in her right away. That doesnāt feel organic and will likely scare her off, especially if monogamy is a hard line for her. And I can accept that in either circumstance, whether sheās not interested in me or if she is but sheās strictly monogamous, im just trying not to be a creep here.
I know this might seem like a silly arbitrary game, but dating kind of is one when those involved are still trying to gauge how they feel AND how the other person may feel.
Thatās a very good point. And donāt get me wrong, I agree with what youāre saying, I donāt want her to waste her time, I just think these things require a delicate approach. Maybe a bit more delicate than how youāre putting it. Although, of course, I may be overthinking it. But I may not be haha because dating has nuance.
Id kind of like to float the fact that I have a girlfriend at her first, but donāt want her to think Iām unavailable, but saying Iām polyamorous implies relationships, and she may think that Iām trying to rush her into a relationship with me. Does that make sense? Not trying to keep you talking with me if this feels beneath you, just explaining my thought process.
But the issue here comes into play of āwoah who said anything about a relationshipā I feel like thatās almost coming on too strong in a way. Does that make sense? I appreciate your comment and I agree with what youāre saying but I feel like irl it requires a more delicate approach.
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Unfortunately yes. Itās a small class. I wouldnāt even try anything until I was sure, Iām by no means gonna ask this person out tomorrow. Hell, Iām not even sure if I really like her, itās just a connection. Mostly posting this to understand how to navigate it in general.