The title is exactly that. I (20F) met an older guy (57M) almost 3 months ago after initially requesting that my relationship with my husband be open, at least for the interim.

My husband (24N) and I got married this year and I love them. I love them to bits, they’re genuinely my favorite person on this earth and they make me feel very happy. I've been with them through their gender troubles, and it's been a really great experience watching them grow alongside me.

However, I'm 20, and I expressed to them soon after we got married that I felt like I didn't know how I felt about locking myself down for the rest of my life while I'm 20. I've never been a huge monogamous person, and the majority of relationships I had when I was in school (I dropped out) were open, so the idea was new to me, and scary. I wanted to be able to have the cake of being in love with my husband but also have the ability to explore, so I wound up requesting that we open our relationship soon after we got married. Some would say that's probably a sign that I shouldn't have rushed into marriage, but this person is genuinely someone I don't want to lose, so I felt like it made logical and emotional sense at the time.

Early in June, I meet my older guy, who's a good almost 3 times my age. I find myself enchanted by him. He drives me nuts, in ways I've never really felt before. I've always liked older guys, but this felt like it was on a different level. He knows just how to push my buttons and it makes me feel really good. We're hanging out, having sex, it's all cool. However, things between me and him keep developing. At first it was mostly about sex, we'd have sex and that was most of our business. Then we adopted pet names for each other. Now we've managed to fall into a really good spot where he's been half-mentoring and helping me with things other than sexy-time related, and my husband is growing to hate him.

My husband was already iffy of the guy, but recently he gave me a MacBook of his because I've been without one for a little while, and is letting me keep it. My husband found the fact that I got the laptop upsetting, and has expressed so to me after I asked. I figured it wasn't a big deal since the guy wasn't using it anyway, but my husband is taking it as a much grander gift than I had initially seen it as.

My husband is insecure with our arrangement, and has several times looked through my phone looking for things that he doesn’t like about my relationship with him. I’ve asked them to ask me before doing so, but they’ve still done it about 4 times without asking. They’ve expressed that they think that I’m talking about them behind their back (something that isn’t true and never has been) and feel like I’m hiding something from them. I wish I was at this point, but I sadly am not, so I’m stuck just perpetually reassuring them that nothing of the sort is happening.

The older guy and I are looking to get a little closer, and when I brought up the idea of seeing the guy more often, my husband said they “didn’t know if they could make it that long” if we were to start seeing each other more often.

I have no idea what to do because I really like this guy, but I don’t want to push my partner to the point that they can’t handle it anymore. That’s my conundrum.