I am a fat, transmasc, nonbinary, POC who considers themself non-op. I've got tits and I love how they make me feel. I love my size, as does my primary partner. My primary partner is skinny, white, and transfemme. I think this is important for what I'm going to be getting at.

Specifically when using hookup and dating apps, I have always struggled because the few people who reach out are usually creepy/immediately objectifying or cannot hold a conversation. I then reach out to people and I'm almost always immediately discounted because for some I'm "too masc", others I'm "too femme" and for all types, I'm "too fat". I do not personally believe these things but they hurt to hear nonetheless.

My partner on the other hand is drowning in messages and largely gets the pick of the litter. This makes me feel terrible, and not because of anything my partner is actively doing, but because they are generally seen as more attractive than me by the people we want. Other queers think I'm hot, but I'm not generally interested in that energy at the moment.

Does anyone have any advice on how to work with this? We both want the same thing - masculine people to have casual FWB relationships with that actually see us as people. My lack of success is not due to lack of trying! I am so so happy my partner is having fun! I just feel so left out.

How can I cope with an "uneven playing ground" that feels this drastic? I selfishly want my primary partner to not use any dating apps and only try to find people "the old fashion way" but I do not think this is a fair ask. What can I do?