My partner and I opened our relationship about a year ago. Before that, this was a recurring topic that we talked about, which made us excited, but with the pandemic, it took us longer to make this step.

Since then, we never had any kind of relationship outside of ours. We live in a small town in a not that populated area of Brazil, and just until recently without a car. So, this limited our chances to small trips which we usually do together.

So, we preferred to try to go out together with couples or females, which my partner was more interested in back then. We never found any female interested, but we had some dates with other couples. These encounters, although weren't terrible, never went past talking.

We're both shy, but she knows how to be flirty, while I don't, and we both felt a little repressed by each other in those situations. Not in a bad way, but we had a hard time switching to "date mode" to other people while still together. Meanwhile, we're still in those apps - Tinder, Feeld, and Bumble, but without much success - honestly, after these attempts, we get a little dismayed.

We spent some months without swiping and liking people in the apps, but in the last weeks, I started again and mentioned it to her. I got some matches, some conversations, she seemed excited and supportive, and I scheduled a date at a small gathering in a record store in the state capital.

Although, I've been stood up. Note that the possibility of this encounter was clearly addressed and right before setting up, I asked her if she was going to be comfortable with it. She said it was okay and I proceeded, unaware that it wasn't going anywhere.

After this, I noted that she was more active in dating apps as well, which was totally fine. This time, she was also looking for men which wasn't a thing before, but it was also ok.

Since she's on vacation, she stayed in the capital for the week, while I returned to our city for work. Last Wednesday, she told me that she was going to a date in the next day. I felt a little jealous, after being stood up on the weekend, but tried my best to seem supportive, said it was ok, and wished a good date.

The next day we talked about the subject again, and minutes before the scheduled time, she called me and we talked shortly. I asked what they were planning to do and she, evasively, said: "Nothing, just talking". I found this odd and questioned: "How, you're going to sit on a bench at the square and just talk?" She then explained that they were going to eat out but had not decided where yet. I was convinced and hung up the phone to her finishing to get ready.

One hour later, she started to message me, telling me that she also had been stood up. The guy managed to make her wait for some more time after this, but after 2 hours she gave up. I felt terrible for her, consoled her, and tried to make her feel less undesirable.

Note: I really don't know why we're so bad at this. We're young, pretty, cool, and well-off but no one seems interested in us.

Cut for the next day. It has been almost 24 hours since the failed date, she still kind of sad, and she asks what I think about encountering men just for sex. I questioned how it would work, if there was some kind of Grindr for straight people. She then tell me that the failed date the other day was going to be like this.

The guy asked her out for a "quickie" after his job and she said yes.

I never established some clear limit or forbid something, but at first I was bothered with how careless she was in accepting this invite without considering how I could feel about it. If I was planning or had real chances to fuck someone else, I would have proceeded with way more cautious than her.

Later, I felt a little betrayed.

Days before that, we'd been talking about what we were supposed to tell the other. I explained to her that I don't wanna know the details but I do wanna know the intentions in regard an encounter. Just to know, when she was going to see a friend, a wannabe date, or going to other people's place, for example.

She told me she was going to talk, to eat, but never told me they were planning to just have sex - in a car, in a motel, his place or whatever.

After this, we agreed that I don't feel comfortable with this kind of encounter. She seemed a little disappointed, which I understood after her explanation, but agreed and emphasized that I'm her priority. She says she is more interested in the sex and doesn't understand how can I feel more insecure about it without intimacy or connection beforehand than in this way. It's a valid point of view, but it's how I feel.

I'm sorry for this enormous post and for any type of error I may have committed since English isn't my first language. I'm feeling terrible as well because it seems I'll never be able to go out with someone else and this happening just exposed how terrible I am in flirting. Maybe I would like this kind dynamic, but I would never be able to ask someone else for a quickie. I'm not able even to pick someone up in a club or a bar. And I don't know how valid it is to feel this way about the behavior. This is really making me question so many things.