TLDR- my super great NP supports me in solo dating but struggles with it, and it doesn’t feel black and white.

My partner (F) and I (M) are about a year and a half into exploring ENM—in our 30s and very committed to eachother. It’s been wildly helpful for communication, we have an extremely strong relationship, and are very happy together. This sub, regardless of sifting through all the very unethical cheating and first time struggles, has been super helpful for me. So thank you to all the OGs for the comments and posts.

After a drunken FFM threesome which she loved, it’s been a part of the relationship, and a slow build and burn. What it’s evolved into is a general lack of interest on her part unless I do all the legwork to bring in another woman. She has supported me in solo dating and has basically found it not worth it to date on her own. Simply doesn’t seem to have the desire or bandwidth to sift through online dating.

After a bunch of bad first dates, none of which bothered her, and being quite picky in who I see, I found someone I really enjoy spending time with, who understands our situation and feels very complimentary to my life. Big win!

I get support from my NP, cause she reaps the benefits of me being a happier, probably better version of myself. I talk about my NP with the person I have been dating and it feels complimentary never at odds or a threat to my primary relationship.

The issue is, I get the OK and then there is a big dump from my NP after I see the woman I’m dating. For a day or two, it feels distant and she struggles with feelings of jealousy then we are back to normal.

I always try to push communication. I offer to take any solo play off the table for myself. I pretty much say this is my ideal world, playing solo and having a healthy relationship. My second best option is closing the relationship and us being happy and my worst case scenario is you saying OK just for me and then it festering.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place getting the Ok and never being told no, but then feeling like I hurt my NP.

Some helpful background… I see the woman I’m dating maybe once every 3 weeks. My NP and I have a great sex life, I simply have a much higher libido like every day instead of every 3 days or so. I have learned and really try to be present and not texting when NP and I are together and pretty much say this is my ideal and I’m open to what you desire and choose too. Without putting words in her mouth, it seems as though she feels stuck between a rock and a hard place as well. Wanting me to be at my happiest but struggling with solo dating. Any advice is super appreciated!