Hi! So my girlfriend(19f) and I(19m) are planning on opening our relationship a bit. I’ve been reading all I could find on here and have some more things I want to discuss with my partner but wondering if there’s anything I missed or would keep in mind. Sorry this is so long! Or if formatting is a mess! We are both very excited and nervous! So any help appreciated!

TLDR: college students in medium long distance, living together, opening relationship slightly (kissing, touching flirting) Looking for advice or tips.

Ask: I was hoping for some advice, or responses. To our rule list and anything we’re missing that we should discuss. Or just in general any tips for a young couple in a medium distance relationship that wants to explore things

Background:

We’re both bisexual and at the moment only comfortable with same sex interactions.

Part of the reason for same sex only is we don’t find same sex very romantically appealing (we do partially). So all of this feels lower stakes I suppose.

We’ve heavily contemplated and conversed threesomes, light polyamory, soft-swapping, full swapping, and just generally opening the relationship over the last few months. And thought this would be a easy way to see if we are or could be comfortable with those other things.

Live together in summers, colleges are 4.5 hours apart otherwise

Though young, and understanding how much we will change, we plan on marrying each other.

We would most likely engage in this when not sober/drunk or out parting

I’ve seen a lot of things about people having too restrictive or unrealistic rules and that leading to trouble, or crossed boundaries which prompted this post.

General rules: we call them our hell yes! And our no!

No sex, no hand stuff, no head/oral, yet.

Communicate everything besides flirting before if possible, if not as soon as sober or next day.

Communicate all feelings good bad ugly non sensical as soon as they are noticed before they are made sense of

No bringing people home, unless already there, and if there, nothing in your bed.

Hell yes to Grinding, dancing, flirting, making out, touching everything but pussy or dick

no choking or aggressive grinding(to the point of trying to achieve sexual release that desperate middle schooler grinding), flirting by putting down or speaking negatively about partner or graphically sexual flirting I.e. I want to feel your dick I want you inside me I want to blah blah you

Hell yes to Getting or giving instagrams and numbers . Thinking about parameters to put in place, like a shared number or account or just keeping it separate (no idea how much it will cause us jealousy or envy)

Friends are okay, no dating. Cool off period before friends if your the other persons preferred sex. Just be honest about your intentions and the others intentions. And don’t cross into emotional cheating territory which we defined. If already friends, try to space out the make outs and stuff a bit.

No dating apps, Grindr, tinder, bumble etc.

Both have a veto at any time for any reason.

We have steps in place for jealousy, envy and neglect. Also if any rules/boundaries are broken by you or the other person.

Mostly follows the format of talk about it immediately, validate, answer questions, pause all other stuff (if necessary) and decide best steps. (Same as talking whenever anything happens)

If not communicated as soon as sober we stop all openness and seek to find out why, and consider counseling

There’s only two things that are a big no no (something that can’t most likely be worked through by ourselves alone if at all) first is sex because we both believe we are in good enough control of ourselves to stop before things escalate to that point. The second that would put the relationship in serious serious jeopardy would be constant or obsessive emotional cheating. We both feel the emotional is much worse or would feel much worse than just the physical also because physical could be easier with alcohol involved to “accidentally” cross.

Edit: we also have check ins scheduled to discuss if these rules are still working for us, if we want to close our relationship or open it more! Sorry forgot to add.

TLDR: college students in medium long distance, living together, opening relationship slightly (kissing, touching flirting) Looking for advice or tips.