Hello everyone!
I have something I need to ask the group.

For context I've been a swinger for 7 years. My AP/NP has been on the kinkier side of ENM for about the same time. We've been poly for over a year, so we're a mix of old and new experiences and struggles.

We love to swing, go to kink events, and cherish the poly people in our lives.

A few months ago, my AP met the gentleman of another swinger/poly couple and they hit it off swimmingly. Let's call him Paul. We've had dinner and card nights together and it feels like a great friendship is building. I chat with my meta, Paul, regularly and I feel like we have a good bond between us.

Recently, my AP was asked if she'd want to go over for dinner. Without me. They didn't allude to anything other than dinner and a nice evening at their place, but I found out that they won't have the kids home for a few weeks this month. Cue the over-active squirrel in the cage.

My AP's meta, lets call her Stacey, has said that she's not interested in swinging with me, which I accept, but I can't shake the feeling that this is a form of partner poaching. It feels like they've gone through the motions of being friendly with me just to get my gf to their room.

My AP has the right to see whomever she wants, I've told her this, and it's a position I hold deeply to my core. She's a grown adult and can make her choices. I've told her how I feel and how I think this is poaching, and how it would affect me if she went through with it. I also told her I don't want to know if it ever happens.

She's been super responsive, accepting of my feelings, and has told me she won't go alone to dinner with them. I know she'll be true to her word.

But I just can't get this out of my head. I've also just learned that they've invited our swinger friends, which we've recently introduced them to, over for dinner. Which is also ok because I can't control who they see, but now I'm feeling like if they swing with them, but not me, then I've been used again.

To those of you that have experienced this, how have you dealt with your emotions of rejection or that you're not good enough or that there's something wrong with you because the wife will swing with other men, that appear to be physically just like you, but not you? I know I'm a good looking man. I'm in decent shape, I've got a great personality, but I'm just a little bit older than everyone in our circle of friends. (late 40's to everyone else's high 30's to low 40's) How have you dealt with the couple that poached your partner? Did you raise your feelings with the other couple? How do I advocate for myself without sounding like a whiny douche? Should I even bring this up with my meta?