Most “pre-open” friends end up on messy lists. This seems weird to me, especially when people live in more open communities that are okay with ENM; while most “post-open” friends seem to be fair game. For example a lot of swingers (at least ones who aren’t into the novelty of the unknown) actually end up as smaller groups of friends with benefits. So does the concept of “old life” friends being on a messy list (even in cases when the danger of life upheaval is pretty low) seem to anyone else as a kind of moral judgment against ENM? Like you don’t really believe it should be on the same level as “normal” relationships and you need to separate normal from abnormal?