I’m going to try to cut a long story short; well as short as possible. But I feel like some background is important.

We are 28M & 27M, Married. Together for 7 years in total. I deeply love my partner. We have our own home and a new home under construction. We have our own successful business, which we both work full-time in, albeit in different areas with our own teams. He is my human, my best friend and the person I absolutely want to spend the rest of my life with.

To date, our relationship has been very stable. Zero issues, no fights & open communication. We both have very small social batteries which works in our favour as ‘fights’ or ‘arguments’ are often seen as more effort than they are worth in our eyes. We have been Monogamous with the highest level of trust that we can be flirty at parties etc. but with the understanding that nothing physical or emotional beyond being cheeky in-conversation as such.

I can’t say before this I have ever had the desire to engage in flirty behaviour or sexual interactions with anyone except my Husband. Our sex life isn’t great, he is largely un-interested or its only once a fortnight rather than my desire of every-other day. But that’s something I have just managed.

Now up until recently, I was considered by the general population to be largely unattractive so I’ve never really gathered much interest or had the opportunity to even do that kind of thing. I have been overweight my whole life and relationship until about 18 months ago when I began losing large amounts of weight. In addition to losing 70KGs (155 Pounds) & now being a healthy weight. I have also taken an interest in putting more effort into my appearance and self-care / grooming. This has come with the effect of not only being significantly healthier & more confident but also apparently pretty (very?) attractive to a lot of men & women that I don’t think would have given me the time of day 2 years ago.

This feeling is not only fun, but it’s also completely new to me. If you told me that someone would come up to me at a bar and call me hot or be flirty… two years ago I would have laughed out loud. This feeling of excitement is something that I feel myself wanting to explore more and more. I kinda get a kick out of it? But this has lead me to feel like maybe I am missing out on exploring my sexuality and what/who I like sexually. I just didn’t have those opportunities because of my appearance. Part of me thinks maybe this would even benefit our marriage as I wouldn’t be constantly nagging him for sex when he is not interested. I can’t really say for certain if I would find the courage to go through with it, but the thrill of knowing I could, might be enough?

I do not want to cheat on my partner, I do not want to break his trust. But I am so unsure about how to tell him I want to be able to follow-through on one of those interactions if the opportunity ever arose. I’m not interested in sleeping with a rotating roster of people; I am not interested in Polyamory etc. I just feel like I want the freedom to do what makes me happy in that moment - if it ever comes up. But I don’t want it to be at the expense of him or my marriage. Which I feel like is an impossible and selfish ask?

Has anyone else been through a similar situation, or have any advice on how one might approach this topic? I am completely new to the thought of being in a somewhat ‘open’ relationship. It’s not something 7 years ago I even knew about or considered. I have had the feeling for about 3-4 months now, at first I thought it would go away. But I find that ‘tugging’ to still be there. I am confident in my self control.

I have so many questions beyond ‘how do I bring it up’ but I will continue to read and learn.