Me (35F) and my partner of two years (42M) entered the relationship with the understanding we would be in an open relationship. We agreed to certain terms which included don’t ask don’t tell terms. Meaning when he was doing his thing I didn’t want to know about it and vice versa. However I had the expectation that we’d me sexually open but from a relationship standpoint we’d be monogomous. Meaning we both agreed it would just be sex and emotions would be made.

Last November I had a significant medical issues that resulted in me being unable to have sex for about 6 months and then unable to really perform at my best as of late and I’ve shared this info with him. During this time I’ve struggled with the openness of the relationship and about 2 months ago shared that I wanted to ensure other relationships outside of ours weren’t occurring that were no sexual in nature. I was assured that was the case.

This weekend things felt off and while I hate to admit it I went through his phone and noticed that he appears to be in a a situationship that is more than I had expected. I also saw things that were negatively stated about me to this person. When we spoke he stated it was a way to “continue the relationship and that he was just amping himself up to the person he was connecting with”

I’m extremely disappointed and hurt by this and I’m curious if I shouldn’t be upset as we did enter this openly and I have sort of prepared for something like this to occur. However I’m torn because I do beleibe that putting in that boundary should be respected and I wouldn’t know their relationship status if I hadn’t looked into their messages.

My partner has satiated they are ending that with that person but I’m unsure if I should press the matter or trust it