So, I 33M am married to 34F and are discussing threesomes and swinging. My issues come from not really knowing if it's something I want to do. Sure, it's a fantasy of mine but I struggle with the idea of hooking up with other people if we're satisfied in our marriage and our sexlife.
My wife, who's had partners before me, says I can't separate love and sex. This is something she's said for years and I honestly can't remember what the catalyst for this was but I've always resented the statement. Thinking on our last conversation, I'm now more confused than ever as to what she means.
What does it mean to separate love and sex? I can definitely hook up with someone whom I don't love. I wouldn't catch feelings from a random encounter either. I definitely entangle love and sex in regards to her but why would I need to separate those feelings just to swing?
We were 17 and 18 when we started seeing each other. Neither of us knew what love actually was at the time. I honestly don't know if she understands what it means as I truly don't think she's had the need to separate the two either.
Thoughts?
SC are the people you have sex with special in any way, or is it just a sexual/physical release?
If they are special, how are they different from the partner you love?
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Your idea that just because a penis enters a vagina there is love (not)makes sense to me. Sex and love are different, I think.
Growing up,(high school) all the boys were trying to fuck the girls. Most of the girls did not fuck, but if they did it was usually with a guy they thought they were in love with. To some extent, this continued through adulthood, with the women ultimately being the gatekeepers of sex.
So as a guy, if a woman had sex with you, you felt special. The more men she had sex with, the less special you felt.
At the philosophical level - maybe "if everyone is special, then no one is special". Kind of like can there be good in the absence of evil? If there is no evil, how can one know what good is?
It seems in your reply that being married and raising children with someone is the ultimate expression of specialness or love. I think there is merit to that idea, but I also think there are plenty of marriages where there is no romantic love or specialness.
Melania Trump is married to Donald and they have a child they are raising. Donald likes to fuck other women. Maybe it is convenient and economically beneficial for Melania to be married to Donald, but is it a romantic loving/special relationship - who knows.
So I think the feeling of specialness, romantic and platonic love have a complex interaction that determines the trajectory of relationships. You bore your husband's children and wash his clothes - is that what love is? I think that is platonic love, whereas the desire to fuck new people is romantic love. The two feel very different to me. For some reason, romantic love feels more like desire and platonic love feels like settling or responsibility.