So a few nights ago, me (25NB) and my bf (19M) had our first threesome together with another femboy. We had been talking with the dude for a few weeks but the actual meetup was pretty last-minute. Overall I enjoyed the experience, but since my bf wants to do it again with them tonight, I'm trying to figure out why I'm still feeling a bit weird about it.

The pros: Our friend was much more sensitive down there than either of us, so it was fun getting to play with him in a way that neither of us really get to do with each other. I also have way less doubts over why I love sex with my bf so much - my bf is a better kisser, gives better head, is much easier to top, etc. No shade against our friend because he was still good of course, but it makes me feel less guilty knowing that I enjoy my bf better. Also, the group environment made me a lot less jealous of anything physical going on, because it didn't feel like anybody was getting ignored the whole time we were doing stuff.

The cons: My social battery drains a lot faster when I'm interacting with 2 people instead of 1, especially since I don't know him quite as well. I've grown pretty comfortable being around my bf to the point where I don't feel the need to mask, but with our friend and any other people we meet, it'll be a lot more emotionally taxing. Also, one thing I did notice that made me feel squeamish or jealous was when they kissed each other. While I kissed him too, I think I attach a lot more romantic meaning to kissing than my bf does, because I'm very kissy with my bf while in the past before I met him I generally didn't feel particularly passionate about kissing hookups. I'm not sure how to get over that particular hangup but thankfully it's a minor one. Another thing that bothered me was when all 3 of us slept in my bed that night, he was between me and my bf, so I didn't get the physical comfort of holding and being held by my bf all night basically. Again, no shade on the guy, I just don't have the same emotional connection with him so having him hold me just didn't feel the same. So maybe for tonight I'll ask if he can sleep on one of the ends so that I can sleep next to my bf.

Generally I look forward to hooking up with our new friend again tonight but I suspect I'll want it to be an occasional thing because my willingness to put in effort hosting people is proportional to how much feelings I have for them, and (un) fortunately I really only have feelings for my bf. Since he and I already have limited time together, I'm not really comfortable sharing that time with other people more than maybe once a week. I'm also still a bit squeamish about the idea of them doing stuff alone without me, even if I know it wouldn't mean anything romantically. I guess my main question is whether my feelings are valid and things I might be able to do to help me feel better about the things I'm still squeamish about.