Lot of things all wrapped into one - thank you so much if you read and give advice.

My partner and I sexually open but romantically closed, as we do not identify as poly (just to preface, we don't have a "no feelings" boundary, we have boundaries in place if feelings come up, etc.). We've been together for two and a half, almost three years now. I want to start by saying that I am so incredibly happy for my partner and all of their pursuits over these two nearly, three years - and I have been their biggest cheerleader with each and every play mate they have pursued or met up with; whether it ended up working out or not! I love my partner dearly, and there's something so exciting and freeing knowing that they can go out and have some fun and get away for a bit and have a change of pace and scenery, but at the end of the day we will always have one another to come back to and have each others' back through thick or thin! We also get along really well, have the best communication, have so much in common, and all around it's just been so wonderful.

However, I do feel like lately I have been struggling with envy (not jealousy!). I'm super excited for my partner, and while I'm not the type to meet or interact with my partners playmates, I am also happy for those who are involved with him cause I know they get a little slice of my partner -- but I get their true side that nobody else gets to see. ;)

My biggest problem with my envy is just that nothing has worked for me. Natta. Zilch! I've tried the dating apps, and nothing has ever managed to work out. I've had dozens of matches, but they either end up flaking just before we are supposed to meet up or all but back out, they end up wanting something different than what I want (which is totally alright! Although I am upfront and honest with what I'm looking for on my profile), or in some cases they end up unmatching at some point be it early on in the conversations or even just when things are drifting in the direction of meeting up. While I've met some cool people, sadly nothing has even worked out on the friend front either, and nothing has ever gone beyond the apps and basically being pen pals with everyone I've talked to.

While nothing has come out of the apps, I've had way more luck on the apps than off of them. In person things are basically non-existent for me. I've attempted flirting, but it never amounts to anything, and most of what I receive in return is just surface level conversation from cashiers, bartenders, or similar.

Meanwhile, my partner has had multiple in person pursuits, two of which panned out and turned into short term casual flings, and one just went straight to friendship as she was more poly leaning and did not want to risk a casual fling possibly leading to hurt feelings or missing out on a good friendship. And on the apps, he's managed a couple of encounters and even a couple of dates that either did not work out or resulted in friendships once the casual flings ran their course. All of which I'm so happy for, and was there and supporting my partner each step of the way.

But I'm also feeling dejected lately, and disappointed that I've not had anything pan out for me, especially when my partner had three separate interactions all line up in the span of just a couple of weeks here recently - something that I feel like especially exacerbated my envy more now than before. I've expressed these things to my partner, but they only ever tell me to not let the apps get to me, and try to reassure me that their interactions have also not always panned out either and that they are spread out and sporadic and that something will work out for me eventually. I of course try not to let any of it get to me, but its difficult to not feel like I'm doing something wrong or maybe it has something to do with me, my interests, my personality, or any number of other things. Especially for absolutely nothing to work out in this entire span of nearly three years, while my partner has had so, so much luck, both on and off the apps. Too, aside from my self esteem hitting an all time low, it's also left me envious because I have yet to even experience my first date since starting our open relationship. Or have my first intimate encounter with a playmate outside my partner since becoming official. I've helped them get dressed up and look all nice and sexy for their dates, and have not gotten to experience the reverse even once in our almost three years of being together. We've also talked about threesomes this entire time, which has also not worked out either, which has been something both of us has felt a little disappointed by.

Is there any advice anyone can give for dealing with the enviousness of just your partner having all the luck, while not having any luck yourself - especially for so many years of time? And on the flip side, what would you suggest to better your chances at having success? I've tried at least three different apps now (bumble, OKC, and feeld - my partner's tinder got banned years ago, so when I tried signing up for one using their wifi it automatically IP banned me) and of course I'm active and constantly on the go due to getting anxiety/restlessness just sitting at home. So I'm constantly out and about shopping, hiking, walking, exploring, checking out breweries/restaurants, etc. but nothing ever seems to happen in person. I even took a step out of my comfort zone and went to a couple of large events by myself recently and even those did not amount to anything.

Also, what advice would you have for finding a threesome - especially off the apps?