33M married and monogamous for 16 years to 34F. My wife, prior to us dating, has had other sexual partners. She is my one and only partner. We're having more and more frequent discussions about opening things up in pursuit of MFM and FMF threesomes and the possibility of swinging. Monogamish, would be a better description of what we have in mind. While I want to explore and experience this with her, I'm struggling with the idea.
As the title says, I have trouble separating love and sex. The idea of threesomes have been a real fantasy for both of us and the fact that it's something we can experience it together, for the first time, makes me want it even more. Sometimes the idea of sharing her and being shared is a huge turn on. Other times, the idea of someone even kissing her infuriates me.
How can I be on opposite sides of wanting this at the same time? How can I want this for her and myself, then turn around and want to keep her to myself? Can I learn to separate love and sex without severing the connection we share?
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- 1 year ago
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SC - your last two posts make perfect logical sense to me. But when my GF is having sex with another it "feels" like I am not special anymore. I know this is somewhat due to my general insecurity. There is something about sex that more than anything else triggers this feeling.
Maybe it is because for many of us, sex is the ultimate vulnerability you share with your partner. If after being that exposed and open their reaction is - "Cool, that was fun, next" you feel not much different than if you politely held a door for someone. It somehow trivializes the relationship.
The society programming thing you often bring up seems more religious/morally based than the negative feelings I think are more the reason people struggle with nm.