Husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for a year.

I have been interested in ENM since a few years into our relationship, but we have just started talking about it together earnestly as an option for us a few months ago (after comments at length about it for several years). We both have similar sexual histories (he has had 3 sexual partners total, 2 for me), and we have been talking about allowing each other to have sex with other just to explore experiences that we have never gotten to have.

He and I are very close emotionally, sex is pretty good, and have similar values (agnostic, no desire to have children). I am purely interested in having sex with others who I can develop a friendly rapport with but maintain some distance from emotionally. My husband helps me feel very fulfilled as a person generally and I can't see myself in a committed relationship with anyone else.

We had talked through some potential guidelines and "what-if" scenarios together, agreed on a few things but never wrote anything concrete down. Two weeks ago, we decided to agree to give ENM a go. I went on a weekend trip with friends this past weekend, and when I returned, he told me that while I was gone, he went on a date with a coworker he is interested in (who he had off-handedly mentioned to me once).

Part of me is happy for him because I had wanted him to have a connection with someone first (from a euro-centric beauty standard I am more conventionally attractive), but I wasn't expecting 1.) him to find someone to explore things with so soon, 2.) the person he found to be a coworker, and 3.) that he would go on a date AND allow the woman in my house without asking or giving me a heads-up.

He swears to me that he did not do anything physical on this date, and when we discussed it afterwards (with me understandably overwhelmed), he expressed genuine guilt and started crying. I love this man to death and I want him to have fun, but he also mentioned things like her wanting to take a trip to the beach with him, and how he wants to be her friend, regardless of how a sexual relationship turns out. This made my stomach turn.

Typing this all out makes me feel like such an idiot for even trying to justify what just happened. I am still wanting to make ENM work for us, but my head is still spinning with the jealousy, guilt, and regret. I want to take this more slowly, and I hope he will agree, but I would appreciate any advice for what I should do. I know we have a LOT more discussion, reading and soul-searching ahead of us. We are very new to this so please be gentle!