So my [28F] boyfriend/np [29M] gets kinda down and out of sorts whenever my mood drops after I find out (through inquiring or being given notice) that he made plans to spend online time with an unreciprocated love interest/long-time best friend during time I would like to spend time with him. I’ve told him he needs to make peace with me being less than happy the same way I have to make peace with being less than happy about this decision when it happens, instead of him expecting me to be my usual happy go lucky self.

Am I wrong for feeling that way/telling him that?

I’m a huge quality time person, and I’m not exactly thrilled about their relationship since it’s taken self-esteem tolls on him over time, starting from way before we met. So yeah, it’s kind of a downer when they spend time together during time I’d like to have, especially since they’re always doing an activity together that I want to do with him. And super especially because the frequency with which he pokes at his emotional wounds by spending time with them has consequences on the emotional labor I do out of love to offer affirmations and reassurance for him. This other person does no such emotional labor.

I know a normal solution would be to spend time with friends or other love interests (if there were any- there aren’t), but I moved to a new city to live with him so I don’t have any here. And my hobbies aside from the gym are indoor activities. It also doesn’t help that they spend late night time together because of their work schedules, so I end up going to bed alone when they hang out. Icing on the cake, if you will.

But still I’m a good sport and find ways to entertain myself and try not to be sour about it and I don’t bother him during this time unless it’s something to do with our home that I need his immediate input on. He knows explicitly how I feel about their relationship and that I feel a bit lonely during these times they spend together. But then he’s always like “why are you upset :/“ or “I don’t want you to be upset” when I shift to focusing on internal time with myself and preparing for the emotional/social distance for the night, i.e. I get less talkative and not as peppy.……Which led to what I told him above.

I don’t think I’m entitled to all of his time, I respect his decision to maintain a friendship with this person, and leave him to his own devices when they spend time together. I’m doing what I can. So am I wrong to think it’s unfair that he expects me to appear unaffected?