My gf [F23] and I [M30] have been in a closed relationship for 3 years. One day my gf started mentioning the idea of open relationship and I was excited and curious about it and we decided to try it out. We both started downloading online dating apps (bumble, tinder, etc). My gf being the hot girl she is gets about 50 matches in 2 days and 4 dates lined up in one week. Whereas I being an average looking male can barely hold an interesting conversation with 2 feeble matches that I’m not that attracted to.

I was blown away by the number of guys lining up to get a taste of her. I thought I could handle it but unfortunately the jealousy in me was too overwhelming but I love her and wants her to explore the world. I made the selfish decision to take a break with her before she goes on her first date telling her to come back to me when she’s done exploring. Both of us bawled like the world is about to end lmao.

The same night after she went on her first date. She knocked on my door in the middle of the night crying and saying she doesn’t want to explore anymore and wanted to be with me instead and explore our future together. I was touched and happy she came back to me so quickly but at the same time I felt sad I made her cry and broke her heart.

Fast forward a few days later, we went on a getaway trip and got a little tipsy. I wasn’t thinking straight back that day and blurted out the idea of reopening our relationship again. Her eyes immediately lit up and was interested as well but I haven’t made any decisions yet. I am however, awfully eager to meet new people and curious to build exciting and memorable relationships outside of the social norm.

But I have so many questions. To name a few. What if one of us catches feeling towards the new fling? What if sex isn’t the same anymore? Am I selfish or unfair of keeping it closed for now and not letting her explore? Will she always wonder what’s it like out there if I never want to open it up? I feel guilt, happiness, sadness, excitement all at the same time.

Tldr: gf and I started open relationship and I got jealous she has more matches and dates than me so we closed it back.