My bf (26) and I (28) agreed to be open early in the relationship (4 years) but we have never acted on it. The closest thing was that I was on onlyfans when we met so I was talking to other guys for attention mostly I wasn’t making much money lol.

Now I don’t go to others for attention but he has always wanted to and I caught him sexting recently and don’t know how to feel. I am happy for him and excited because it’s our first real situation being open. But we agreed he would tell me when he wanted to hook up with other people etc. so I’m a bit hurt that he didn’t tell me. He said he just likes the attention and I am 100% the same so I get it and am not super suspicious but I wish he told me himself.

We talked about expectations and boundaries and he does feel bad about it and admitted he wasnt sure if he should bring it up or not because we did agree to be open. He is still struggling with shame and feeling like he’ll hurt me by doing these things and I assured him he has permission I just need communication.

Overall I think we had good communication about it and agreed we want to put in the emotional work to become more comfortable with this so that he doesn’t feel bad an can communicate openly.

I know it’s just sexting and likely won’t be anything more but I want to be prepared for this kind of thing and know where we stand.

So how did you guys deal with guilt and jealousy in your first poly relationship? I feel secure right now but I know I can get jealous. It’s a confusing mix of excitement for him and fear of my anxiety ruining it for me :(

I know I’m not ready to be fully open and poly. I’m just open to sharing sexually right now.