Hey!

So me and my GF of 3 years (Pretty much all of that time living together) decided that we would open our relationship up maybe 5 or 6 months ago. This was my idea as I felt I wanted to have sexual connection with other people ethically as I have cheated before and don't want to put anyone through that again. During that time we have been pretty sexually inactive (Actually We've been pretty in active for just under 2 years now, having sex maybe every 2 months or so) It just feels awkward actually looking at each other when we have sex and when we kiss I just get a bit stressed about it actually going further so often avoid it.

we have had a rocky few months where we haven't really been on the same wave length as one an other and we sort of waved the idea of break up at each other but both could see the undercurrent of "We love each other and aren't actually going to break up". She says she sees me as someone who does the dishes and pays the other half of the rent, Implying that we have desexualised each other (As I see her as someone who is uptight repressed and moany). This lack of sexual connection has caused me to use masturbation as a decompression tool and falling into the grips of porn again, making the issue seem even harder to approach due to feeling I'm wasting my sexual energy in the wrong direction/feeling ashamed about it.

Since we have been open I have kissed a girl, flirted with a few and recently got on dating apps but that's it really. A few nights ago when I was out partying I get a nice phonecall from my GF saying she had just been to a lesbian bar and hooked up with someone at theres and my knee-jerk reaction was "Great! I hope you had loads of fun" but the since that I have felt a little bad about it as she said it was greatly satisfying and she would like to meet her again, Which I am fine with but because our sex life is not going to well (and we discussed that we need to be having good sex with each other before we really went out there and slept with someone else which hasn't happened) I feel a few things first A little lonely as I we aren't sexually motivated with each other and she has been with someone else secondly Jealous has I have always had issues with sexual connection with people, sexual confidence etc and thirdly trying to navigate if I feel a pressure to get with someone or not?

What should we do about regaining our desire to sleep with each other again? Is there anything I can read about becoming sexually liberated? If I can't sleep with my gf comfortably how am I going to do it with other people?

Thank you for taking the time to read this and doubly if you hit me up with some advice!

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