Hey,

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I have been going through a very rough path for the past weeks, because my girlfriend with whom i've been for over three years feels attracted to someone else.

I told her she could explore, but I insisted on talking about it a LOT, saying stuff, coming up with rules and taking things slow so we can discover the many new adjustments to make.

I don't know how all this happened so fast but they ended up having an intimate moment after my gf and I agreed that given many circumstances, we are not ready to dive into it fully, but only ready to consider and talk.

As we didn't come up with any rule we both agreed to, and as I am very busy with an important milestone in my life, I said many times that it's not the right moment.

She said they wouldn't meet anymore, and that they'll only keep talking about random stuff and not bring up any hot topic or so.

I thought this is the best compromise, I don't want to be the party pooper but I need time to get out of 3 years of monogamy, I want to think, I want to fully commit to fighting jealousy. Not things that can be done overnight.

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Now that they had this intimacy and that they actually ended up meeting again after things should've been slower instead of way faster, I am losing trust, I don't recognize our relationship, I never sneak on her but I do "think" of it. I am in a sneaky mindset and i hate it.

I have been jealous, I hate it too but my heart freezes, aches, I have like a rush of very very disturbing and uncomfortable feelings along with a terrible hurt. HOW to stop feeling like this?

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Now my issue is : What if I don't overcome jealousy, if i find out I am simply very much more myself in a monogamous relationship although I fully understand and support other ways, what if it happened to me after all? If I meet someone who attracts me a lot, would I find it easier to let go?

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I find it very difficult to be alone in this. I think it's way easier to be on the side of the one falling for someone new than the one who's only loved one is still the same person. If I actually wanted other partners, it would've been a bit easier because we would both be out there doing our stuff away from each other. But I just don't want any new partner.

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Also, how do you cope with not sharing everything with your partner?
I feel like if I don't know everything from what they had, I keep imagining things, if they don't reply I might immediatly think she's busy with someone else, and mostly I lose my bestfriend. There's this taboo flying over our head, maybe we could've been sharing our day or talking about stuff, but no there are gaps and every conversation will be censored. It may be the worst part for me.

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I am lost, I need advice if you have anything to say about this.

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Cheers