The background (for those interested):

I (27 cis m) have been with my gf (25 cis f) for going on 7 years in October. Our bedroom has been essentially dead since year 2. She has had a very extensive sexual past and she is my second ever sexual partner - the previous was a girl I dated for 3 years in highschool. She was ravenous in bed when I met her but nowadays she rejects my very touch - even as innocuous as hugs - because she "doesn't feel like physical contact" and pretty much every orgasm she's had in the last few years took a lot of convincing to achieve (literally just asking her to masturbate because I wanted to see her feel good and sex was obviously a bridge too far).

So after years of expressing my sexual frustration among other things, last night she relented and expressed that she thought my best option was to seek out satisfaction with other partners. At this moment, I had a little internal war between doing a victorious fist pump & breaking down to cry.

I abhor cheating - even with permission - it's what destroyed my parents marriage and also it just ain't right to me. But goddamnit I just want a blowjob so goddamn bad, it's my favorite thing by far and it has been so long.

I processed the situation a bit and talked it over some more and we agreed that we are sexually incompatible at this stage in our life but neither of us wants to leave. And so, hall pass it is.

my question:

Ok so, now that I have a hall pass and I spoke with her about boundaries - which were actually surprisingly wide open; just no hookups in the house and no STDs and she doesn't want to hear about anything I get up to - what do I do? I've never hooked up and I have exactly zero idea how to do it. I tried Tinder (and grindr, but that's a long story (was questioning)) once in college for like a month and nothing came of it. Are there any good websites or apps for hooking up? I don't really have much in the way of preferences for kink. I'm not into anything really outlandish but I'm not bothered by much either.

A difficulty I've always had is that I'm only really attracted to trans women, and that comes with a very small dating pool - even in supposedly the most gender-diverse city in my province. Any advice on resources that cater to that kind of demographic/dynamic would also be super helpful, if such a thing exists.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

resposted from r/sex as I was told this was a better place to ask